Thaw

One

She woke up gasping for air, as if her head was still being held underwater nearly two years out of the cave. Yinsen's name was on the tip of her tongue and she only just managed to avoid screaming it out into the dark. Biting down hard on her bottom lip, she tried to ignore the burning behind her eyes as her traitorous tear ducts threatened her.

The nightmares had gotten worse since the horrible incident on the roof with Stane. Sometimes they bled into the daytime, too, which was very annoying. She had been steadfastly ignoring Pepper's pleas to get some counselling. Starks didn't do counselling.

Or sharing.

Or talking.

Really anything that involved emotional vulnerability.

She'd made the mistake of being open with Obie, and look where that had gotten her.

Nevertheless, the panic attacks were increasing in frequency as well as intensity, and scotch only did so much.

Tony sat up slowly, one hand pressed to her still heaving chest. The other she ran through her cropped hair, which was undoubtedly sticking up at all sorts of odd angles. Letting out a deep breath, she pushed herself off the absurdly large bed and padded down the hall towards the kitchen.

Coffee would fix this. Coffee fixes everything.

____

"Ms. Stark, are you listening to me?"

"Trying not to."

Coulson let out a slight sigh before replying. "Ms. Stark-"

"Agent."

"I know this has been challenging for you-"

Tony scoffed and continued to tinker, elbows-deep inside the chest cavity of Mark IV. "Challenging? Integrating a Morse-based emergency protocol into the input/output of a Starkphone to be activated by linguistic patterns of a specific user saying a specific phrase is challenging." She paused slightly, a small twitch at the corner of her mouth. "Actually, that was pretty easy. This, this is not challenging. Merely beneath me."

Coulson refrained from rolling his eyes (barely), and continued. "Cooperation-"

"Implies mutual effort."

"Cooperation with S.H.I.E.L.D. is a very rewarding path. You may feel it is a waste of your time, but your work is being used to protect hundreds of thousands of people. It is increasing our efficiency and therefore saving a lot of innocent lives."

"That's what they told me when I was making warheads, too."

"Tony, look at me."

She turned slightly toward the man. It was the first time Coulson had called her by her given name, and she hoped he didn't notice how she had flinched. He made no move to invade her space, simply standing with hands clasped together at the doorway of her lab. She appreciated his display of respect; she certainly hadn't done anything to earn it. He cleared his throat quietly before speaking again.

"I'm not a soldier. I don't like war. Hell, I don't believe in it. But I believe in helping people, protecting those I care about. I work for this agency because it gives me the chance to do that.

S.H.I.E.L.D. is flawed. Every organization run by mankind is. I don't want you to do anything you aren't comfortable with. I just want you to have the same chance as me."

She blinked owlishly at him, unsure of how to reply. The agent gave her a rare smile and set the folder he had brought with him in front of her, knowing she wouldn't take it from him directly. She looked down at the symbol on the cover as he finished his little speech.

"I would like you to trust me, Ms. Stark."

____

Tony had always been stunning. Even as a child, she had a graceful beauty about her that made you look twice. She'd started getting masculine attention far, far too early.

She was twelve when Obie kissed her for the first time. His beard had scratched her face painfully. She'd backed away but he had followed her movement and ran his tongue along her jaw. The smell of cigars had made her gag for weeks afterward.

She was thirteen when she'd been groped in a darkened corner of her parent's anniversary party. The greasy old board member had told her to shut up when she tried to cry out. Obadiah had walked up and shoved him away from her, only to pick up where the other man left off.

Two months later her father had found her in the office of a young upstart at Stark Industries, pinned to his desk with tears streaming down her cheeks and pooling in her ears. Howard had pulled the man off of her in a blinding fury and beaten him until security intercepted.

His pink slip had been delivered to his hospital bed.

That night, Tony covered her ears to try to block out her parents' screaming. Howard blamed Maria, Maria blamed Howard, they both blamed Tony.

Neither of them thought to ask her what had happened. Maria didn't hear Tony throwing up at three the following morning. Howard didn't see his daughter viciously attacking every dress she owned with a blowtorch. Neither of them noticed the missing bottle of whiskey from the bar, or else they both assumed the other spouse had taken it.

It took Tony a couple of years to learn how to fight back. When Obie showed up to work one morning with a broken nose, Howard had questioned him with a blissfully ignorant smirk.

Some little tramp changed her mind, the taller man had said, wincing as his bruised nethers objected to sitting down.

But Tony hadn't changed her mind. She had always felt that way.
_____

Coulson had just left. The lab was chillingly silent, as JARVIS had turned the AC/DC down upon his arrival. Tony suddenly felt very tired. She ran a grease covered hand across her face, leaving little smudges in its wake. Slumping to the floor, she leaned against the workbench and closed her eyes.

DUM-E chirped at her inquisitively and she glanced at him. He was offering her a screwdriver she hadn't asked for. She shook her head at him but he was insistent, practically squawking at her before dropping the unwanted tool in her lap.

She huffed out a laugh and picked it up, feeling the weight in her palm. "Trying to fix mama, DUM-E?" The machine rested his solitary arm on her shoulder and she bit her lip. "Thanks, baby," she whispered.

She glanced again at the file folder Agent Coulson had left and took a deep breath. "JARVIS, lock down the lab. I have a feeling this damn file is going to ruin my night."

Allo! This little snippet has been sitting dormant for a while now. I am a sporadic updater, I apologize, it's just I have too many ideas to stay focused! To all of you who read my malarkey, thank you! R&R! -FF