Meet Belle

Entry Six

September 18, 2015

One hour. That's how long we talked. In that one hour, I never once numbed myself. I somehow didn't need to. I didn't feel the need to run and be careful with my words as I do with Mr. and Mrs. Taylor. I felt my heartbeat faster than ever before. I have never talked with anyone for a whole hour before. I have never felt like this before. 

We only talked about school and our hobbies, though as much as possible I had to steer the conversation from family matters. I also didn't know if he knew about me being his fiancé yet. I learned so many new things about him, I barely talked, really. I didn't have many hobbies aside from writing to you and telling you about my day. He has such an amazing life though; he has friends and everything. It's amazing to hear about his life, I feel like I was actually there when he was telling his stories... He's amazing. 

Unfortunately, the conversation had to end. Mrs. Taylor said I couldn't be out of the house for long, and we were talking for an hour already. I know they wouldn't really do anything to hurt me physically anymore, but I felt like if I didn't follow, they might find another way to punish me as well. They don't have to act nice in front of me anymore, after all, I already know the reason why they're doing it. 

You might be wondering what I'm doing talking with Gared in the first place, I know I felt really greedy that I even got to talk to him. It's just that Mr. and Mrs. Taylor told me to see Gared today, they wanted him to love me, but there's a problem, I don't know how to do that. Mrs. Taylor said that I should dress in a provocative way before heading out. I knew what she meant. I had to wear that dress that Mr. Taylor bought for me. He said that it was for business meetings with Mrs. Taylor. I had to look good for the investors. I don't like that dress at all. I find it too short. On a normal day, Mrs. Taylor would have left a burn mark on my thighs if she saw me wearing that dress. Because she once said, "Daughters of a perfect family would never wear such things, unless for business."

I still don't know if I did a good job with Gared. I have no idea how to make someone fall for me after all. I also don't know how to tell if someone has fallen for me. With Mr. and Mrs. Taylor, I would know if I did well, they wouldn't burn or bruise me, but I don't think it's the same with Gared. He had never done that before either. I wonder though, did Gared like my dress, even if I hated wearing it, I would wear it every day if he says it was pretty, I want to talk with him again.

POEM
____________________________________________________

Numbness once empowered me,
My legs won't run like they used to,
Adrenaline thawed my frozen heart,
I have never felt so alive and free

Love is such a strange word,
No matter what I do, it can't sink in
How could I make someone fall for me,
If I don't know anything about it?

Everything is going on circles,
I'm looking for something to hold on
I'd rather face the hindrances myself,
So I'll be stronger than ever before.

Poem by : Reneè David
AN: thank you Ren :-)