I think my parents have forgotten the fact that I can still hear them. I feel like they think that because I don't talk, I can't hear. It couldn't be further from the truth. Because I don't speak, I listen more.
So I know my parents don't like me. I know my parents think I'm a mistake. I know that my parents never wanted a child who never speaks. I know that they want to get rid of me. I know they've always hated me. I know that they want me to be more like Jack.
I sit on the steps, my knees hugged to my chest. Silently screaming to anyone, for help, for a new home, for something...something better than my disaster of a life. If I knew they felt this way about me sooner, maybe I wouldn't have listened to Sarah rant about how much other people love me, maybe I wouldn't have thought about Jack's hugs. Maybe I would have just done it, just like that.
I allow the tears to flow down my cheeks as I listen to my parents bickering downstairs. Bickering about who hates me more, making a competition of who can call out the amount of times I've failed.
I used to love being an outcast. I used to love being different. Now I hate it. No one will understand me, no one will understand how it feels to be such an outcast that even your parents don't want you.
I quietly stand up and head up to my room. I close the door and lay on my bed. I open twitter on my laptop, I still haven't got my phone back, and I click on the compose tweet button, ignoring the messages from Calum and the boys. I know I have no right to be mad at him, it's not like we were dating or anything, but he could have at least told me. I take a deep breath and type my tweet.
fireinmy_heart: Why do I always screw up?
I send the tweet then just aimlessly scroll through Twitter. I get a few more notifications than I usually do now, due to the tweet Calum sent me. I check a few of them, retweeting a few and liking some others. I take a deep breath and go on Calum's profile. I check his last tweet.
Calum5SOS: Come back
I immediately click off it and log out of Twitter, shutting my laptop. I place it on my bedside table and lay down in bed, wrapping myself up in my covers.
"Fred!" Jack gently knocks on the door. He opens it and I sit up. Him and Jess walk in and sit at the end of my bed.
"Hey, sweetie." Jess sends me a small smile.
"You didn't log out of Twitter." He says. I look down at my hands. Jess' hand comes into view and gently squeezes mine.
"This Calum guy really cares about you," Jack says. "He may be famous and all that shit, but I've never seen anyone be that worried about someone they've never met."
I grab my notebook from my bedside table and my pen.
I don't want to be with someone who goes around kissing people and leading people on. I'm not that kind of person.
I turn the book around and show them and he sighs. "Freddy, if you don't do something, you'll end up fucking this up even more."
I just shrug and they both kiss the top of my head before leaving the room. I get my laptop again and log back into Twitter, taking Jack's advice. I send a message to Calum.
fireinmy_heart: I saw the photos, I'm sorry Calum, I'm not that kind of person. I don't want to be that person you talk to when you're locked in your room and have nothing else to do. I'm not going to allow myself to get my hopes up, pretending you actually care, only for it to be thrown down the drain. I thought you were different.
I take a shaky breath after I press send I decide to be brave and look at his reply. It doesn't take him too long.
Calum5SOS: Shit, okay, so I know you're probably expecting this answer, but it was a fan, I swear! She asked for a hug, so I hugged her then she asked for a kiss on the cheek, then she turned her head at the last minute. I'm so sorry!! I really am telling the truth, if you choose to believe it is up to you, but I'm praying to god that you believe it, please baby! xx
fireinmy_heart: I need you right now Calum, I really do. That's honestly one of the hardest things for me to say, I hate needing people. All my life I've tried to be independent, I was going so well until you came along. I depended on you to listen to me and to cheer me up, I should be able to do that by myself.
Calum5SOS: Not always, honestly sometimes it's better to need people, you can't do everything on your own, it's not good for you. I will always be here for you, if you want it or not, but please baby, just please don't shut me out xx
fireinmy_heart: I'm not good at half-assed friendships.
Calum5SOS: Then this won't be a half-assed friendship. Please xx
fireinmy_heart: I believe in second chances xx
Calum5SOS: I won't let you down, I promise xx
fireinmy_heart: Thirteen days xx
Calum5SOS: So you're still in? xx
fireinmy_heart: I just listened to my parent's name every single time I have failed in my life, I'd do just about anything to get out of this house xx
Calum5SOS: I'll look after you, I promise xx
