Heartbeat

02. Pain

     There are two types of pain

           One that hurts you
    
     And the other that changes

                        you.
             ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

     Physical pain is finite... It has a beginning and an ending point.

     Emotional pain is the feeling of your heart shattering into a Million pieces like a broken mirror, except all you can see in the shards of glass is their face. It's the feeling like the person you love is being ripped in a direction that you can't follow.

     I sit on the cold lumpy hospital bed, sheets covered the thick plastic with a blue blanket which lay over my bare legs. A stiff pillow lay behind me, which I could feel through the slit in the hospital gown, that hung off my shoulders.

   I fought to look everywhere besides the two people that stood in the room. The two people who changed my life forever. I knew that they were trying to talk to me, to get my attention, but I ignored them. They didn't have anything to say to me that I would want to hear. They ruined me.

   Didn't they know that what they had done couldn't be fixed or that I could never forgive them for what they had done to me. The damage was done. There were some things that were unforgettable and this was one of those things.

   I relaxed my face I wanted to appear emotionless. I wouldn't show them any weakness. I just needed to wait a few more minutes unroll the doctor came back in with the papers for my medication and for me to sign out.

   I decided that it was a good time to get up to dress myself so I wouldn't have to waist another second with them. I pushed the blankets away and swung my legs off the side and made a move to get off the bed, but I felt hands on me and I stiffened.

   I shrugged the hands off of me now I was starting to feel and sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

   "I can do it myself," I said my tone void of emotions.

   I pushed myself off and stood on shaky legs and almost fell. Before he they could make a move to assist my hand caught the rail and the other I held in front of me to stop them. When I felt stabeled I let go on my death grip on the rail and moved to the chair that held my clothes in a plastic bag.

   "I brought you some clean clothes from your house. I thought that you would rather not wear the same clothes," came a soft voice from the corner of the room. 

   The voice came from Lisa. I glanced from the corner of my eye to see she had her eyes cast down as if scared to look me in the eyes. I didn't respond. I just picked up the bag with the clothes I came to the hospital in as if I didn't hear her. Her kindness ment nothing to me now and I would not except it.

   I made a move to the bathroom but my way was blocked by a tall body.

   "I know that you are upset about what happened but you don't have to be a bitch to your best friend. She was trying to be nice."

   My mouth almost dropped but I clenched my teeth. I looked up and put on the fakest smile that I could musture. My eyes meeting  his green ones, the ones I fell in love with, the ones that were always on my mind. And now the eyes that would haunt my dreams.

   "Your right," I said.

   My voice came out husky so I coughed to clear it. My eyes turned to meet those of Lisa's. They only met for a second before they looked everywhere but me.

   "I should thank the bitch who stole my boyfriend from me," they both looked at me in shock. The words that came out of my mouth even surprised me. It wasn't like me to be so bold. But then again this was a new me after all. It felt good to say that. So I continued.

   "So let me guess," I said to her the smile still on my face.

   "You love him and you have for a while and so instead of being a good friend you decided it was best to fuck my Nathan behind my back."

   Her eyes welled up with tears, and they started to make a path down her face. She opened her mouth this closed it. She kept repeating this process as if she could not think of what to say to me. My smile turned into that more of a victory smile.

   I knew that she felt like shit for what she did. And I saw her start to break, and she crumbled to the floor and her body racked with sobs. Good. She should be broken just like they broke me.

   Before I could continue with the hurtful words that entered my brain. Nathan rushed to her side to comfort her. He looked my way, but before I could see the look on his face I turned and continued to the bathroom to change.

   When I came out of the bathroom dressed the two were no where to be found.  That was just like her too. She just had to get all the attention. Not that I cared I was glad they had left. I would finally be able to go and breath.

   I signed myself out and took a cab to a hotel. When I unlocked the door to the room I took a deep breath, but my breath cought in my throat. I felt my knees give from under me and I crumbled to the floor. I kicked the door behind me, and then cried my heart out.

   When I couldn't cry no more I got up and headed to the hotels bathroom. I felt weak and tired. I turned the Nobb and stripped. I step into the shower and slipped. I landed hard on the floor. The scolding hot water pelted me from above.

   I don't know how long I stayed in there for but the water had ran cold and my skin had pruned and tired bright pink. I wrapped a towel around my body and looked at myself in the fogged up mirror. I looked pathetic. In the end I would end up broken and they would come out shining. I was letting them win. I looked at myself in the eyes and something changed.

   I will move on. I wills not be the one who is broken and left behind. Even if they ended up happy together I would not be the one left behind and forgotten. I would start over. I would be happy again.
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I know that it took a while for me to post this chapter sorry I Will try to update faster.
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