Never Let Me Go

Chapter 4 - The Death Letter

North Korea wasn’t glamorous in any nature. My every thought was focused on Anita, over in Afghanistan. There was a big war over there at the moment; I just hoped she wasn’t getting into trouble. She had a knack for attracting it when she was younger. A real pain in my ass if you ask me, getting Anita out of trouble at every turn was not my ideal way of growing up. Though I saw her smiling face every day she didn’t half wear me out sometimes. The memories of getting caught for the most stupidly misunderstood things made me smile; drawing my eyes away from the attack plan I was supposed to be listening to. Being a soldier was the same pretty much every day, patrol the area, get shot at and hope for the best. I haven’t been shot yet and neither had Anita as far as I knew. Though speaking of her letters I haven’t received any of them in over four weeks. It was starting to make me worry. Perhaps there was another man in her life. No there couldn’t. She wasn’t like that. Hell, one time she had a go at a guy in McDonalds for staring at her breasts. Everything was okay. Only five more months until I can see her again, kiss her again. I just have to survive. Not too hard.

The day the letter arrived my soul ripped in two.

It was from Anita’s mother, with an attached letter in the envelope.

Dear Mr and Mrs. Croft,

                I extent my most profound condolence to you on the loss of your daughter,

Anita Croft, who died on the 19th July 2013, as result of wounds received in tackling enemy lines in hope of recovering a fellow soldier on the 17th July 2013.

                News of your daughter’s death comes as a great shock to all who knew her, and her loss will be felt keenly in this front. I sincerely hope the knowledge that Anita was an exemplary soldier and died while serving her country will comfort you in this hour of great sorrow.

Personally and for the officers and men of this command please accept our deepest sympathy.

Signed Commander Joseph. M. Hall

I cried for what seems like days in a matter of minutes. It couldn’t be true. I refused to believe Anita… my Anita was dead. The words burnt in my throat, I doubled over, scrunching the letter in my fist, before screaming. Pulling my hair and falling my knees, whimpering into the hard ground. What have I done? My angel… forgive me.

I was nearly deployed from the front lines after I found out about Anita. I almost cried harder. We shouldn’t have been out here. I could have stopped this. But I didn’t go home. I’m still out here, the picture of her face in my chest pocket. Here lies her memory, in the blood and the fighting. I want to finish this war like she wanted. I will survive for her. Anita will live on, in the lines of the battlefield. A gunshot rocks my body, I had almost been hit. Toby had dived into me, not the shot.

“Pay attention soldier! You could have died! What would Anita want!” her name sounded in my head. The last moment I saw her… she was getting on the coach, I was too late. She loaded her bag and the coach left. I ran half way down the road calling her name. Why wouldn’t it stop? I needed to feel her lips once more, smell her hair, and see her eyes shining. I looked at Toby, smiling “she would be kicking me up the ass for nearly dying.” Toby grinned before springing up and heading further into the battle. I knew everyone had their own problems. Losing half of my soul hurt pretty bad. But like they say – these are hard times. Like I care anymore. I laughed at myself before running into the action with a stupid smile on my face.

“This is for you baby girl.”