How to get that guy you like to never ever talk to you again

First you have to meet the guy. You know the kind, the one who wears all the right clothes and says all the right things, the one with that smile, or that sense of humour. The one always running his fingers through his hair, or twirling his pen through his fingers, the careless one. The one who only had to look at you once. ‘Such is the cruel, god given power of the beautiful,’ your mother used to say.                                                                                                                                                                            

So you meet this guy, probably in your class at school, or maybe he’s a regular customer at the shop you work at on Saturdays, it really doesn’t matter. When you meet him, he says something cool and casual to you, and it makes you feel so special, even though you know he probably meant nothing by it; he probably says stuff like that to everyone. But he says it to you this time, and like I said, it makes you feel special. So he’s not just ‘that guy’ anymore, now he’s ‘that guy you like’.     What you need to do now is think of a way to be cool and casual right back, not your usual self at all. You need to think of something to say that sounds better than real. Better than you. You need to trick him into thinking you’re just like him; smart and funny and always attractive and never, ever boring. Even though you know in your heart that you are none of these things, you trick him anyway, because it’s the only way.                                                                                                                                      

So you put on that familiar mask. That way you can find the confidence to get his number.          

But now you’re faced with a dilemma. Do you text him often, and risk him thinking you’re some kind of stalker, or do you almost completely ignore him, and risk him thinking that you’re just not interested? The answer is you try to do both. You text regularly enough, but you make sure not to sound too desperate. The trick is never let them know just how much you want them, because as soon as they do, they know the power they have over you, and that’s always bad thing.          

Soon enough, after a little build-up, he says that he’d like to see you sometime, maybe for a movie, maybe for dinner or something, it doesn’t really matter though, because the fact that he asked you means you’re winning. So you go on a few dates, maybe you have some sex, nothing too serious though, because before long you’ll feel that mask slipping. Soon enough, the artificiality of it all will make you feel sick to your stomach. It will make your skull spilt and it will make your breath catch and hitch in your mouth until you cannot speak. Maybe you’ll feel yourself letting him in, or maybe you’ll catch yourself telling him things you haven’t ever told anybody before. This is bad for a few reasons.                                                                                                                                          

 This is bad because letting them weakens you, and it empowers them, and like I said, that’s always a bad thing. It makes you vulnerable to the damage they can cause you when they know howmuch you want to keep them.                                                                       

This is bad because realistically, the chances that he really wants to hear about any of your issues are so extraordinarily slim you wouldn’t believe.                                                                                  

And most importantly, this is bad because when he sees the whole you, after the lie of you wears off, chances are that sooner or later he will get tired of you. It doesn’t really matter when, but sooner or later he will run. Probably sooner though.                        

 At first he’ll say he still wants to be friends, until eventually he will see you for who you are, and he will wonder what he actually liked about you in the first place. He’ll feel like he never really knew you, because actually he never really did. Eventually he’ll stop smiling at you in the school hallway, or he’ll stop going into that store where you work on Saturdays, because that lie he thought he wanted will have disappeared completely.

 How do you get that guy you like to never ever talk to you again? Be yourself.                                    

So what you need to do is push him away, so that to him you will always be that lie; flawless and fun and interesting. You need to break his heart before he realises that he never actually gave it to you in the first place. And before you have the chance to ask yourself ‘What was the point of all that?’, you will already be doing it all over again with somebody else, because you know that you can’t stand to sleep alone.  

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