CRYSTAL

Chapter 21

The room cleared out one body at a time till it was just Jane, her parents, Sarah, Wickam and Derek, all with looks of shock, except her father, he was furious. She had finally done it, she had shamed her family and she had done it in front of her father's prized society. No doubt the rumors would start spreading, all it took was one woman. She was ruined. She had to marry William if she was with child, and even if she wasn't she still had to marry him because they all thought she was with child. Wasn't that what she wanted? He was to speak to her father and ask for her hand. This is what she wanted. If it was truly what she wanted why did she feel so unsure? Why did she feel like she was betraying a soul? Why did she feel like she betraying Matthew?

Suddenly Jane became very aware of her situation. 'So this is the disgrace you can bring down on this family Jane? This is what you are so silent for?' her father's voice came thundering down. He was angry and she knew. Who was this woman William had brought to their home? Why would she think Jane was pregnant? Why would she announce it with such volume? Was she looking to embarrass William?

'Father calm down,' Derek spoke with voice of authority. They rarely heard it, it was reserved for his business. He had never used it on the family, but now he was about to stand up to his father.

'Stay out of this Derek.'

'I am sure Jane can explain to us who that woman is?'

'I do not care for her explanations? You are not to leave your room, are we clear?'

Jane could not speak, the shock of it all had turned her mute. All she saw was her father's rage. He did not have to banish her away, she would not leave her room out of her own will. She knew now what was to come, but her mind was stuck on Matthew, she had not even seen him leave the room. What was he thinking of her? Why had he kissed her? She remembered what it felt like and her stomach turned. Suddenly she felt hot like she could not breath. The room began to spin and she swayed along with the motion. He surely hated her now, he must think her a hypocrite. All the conversations they had, the room stopped spinning. Was she in love with Matthew? It was not possible, William held her heart. They had began talking of marriage, she would not love another man wile planning on marrying another. She had to find Matthew, she had to find out why he kissed her and explain she was not with child. She had to make him understand.

Jane ran from the room, hoping Matthew had not left. He had spoken of riding out after the rains. The sun was barely out but it was enough for one to steal a few moments alone on a horse. It was what she would have done. She ran to stable as fast as her legs could carry her and she was thankful she was right. He was there, he was saddling the horse he had ridden earlier. The force in which he pulled the straps only told her how angry he was. Here she was plain Jane, running after a man. It was a spectacle for sure. 'Matthew,' she said out of breath. She kept her distance in case he ran. She wanted him to stand and listen, he did not have to respond he just had to listen.

Matthew kept pulling at the straps of the saddle.

'Matthew, please,' she did not want to beg but she knew she had to. She did not know why it was so important to her he know she was not with child, it could not possibly be love, but she needed him to know.

'I will take my leave tomorrow,' he pulled on the last strap and mounted the horse.'

Jane felt desperation fill up in her, so she did the only thing she knew would keep the horse from moving, she jumped at the reins and held onto them with all the force her body had. The horse moved around trying break free of her hold on it. The more it moved, the stronger she held onto it. 'Matthew please listen to me.'

He jumped off his horse and held onto the reins making sure his fingers do not brush against Jane's, because then he knew he would lose all reason.

'I am not with child.'

'But you plan to marry William?'

She had no response to this statement. She knew she had to marry William but standing here looking at Matthew, she couldn't.

'Your silence speaks volumes young Lady Weldrake.'

'Why did you kiss me?' she had to ask, she had to know.

'The kiss meant nothing Lady Weldrake. I was upset and you were there. I needed to calm my nerves.'

'Matthew,' she gasped. What did he mean it meant nothing?

'You are with child Lady Weldrake, I suggest you turn you attentions to your child and your husband.' He saw the shock on her face. She was hurt and she would hate him but it was what had to be. Whether or not she was with child, her reputation was now ruined. Marrying her would not protect her.

'It was not nothing for me.'

'I am a man Lady Weldrake, we take what we want when we want it. I am afraid that is the truth.'

'You do not mean these words. You are simply trying to hurt me,' tears had started forming in her eyes. Why today of all days?

'Lady Weldrake, I suggest you compose yourself. You are acting untoward. Let go of the reins so I may take my leave.'

She let go of the reins and watched him mount the horse once more and ride off. The kiss had meant nothing to him? So why had he stayed? What was he after? She felt her heart shatter into a million pieces. How could she not have seen it? The thrill of being in William's company was nothing compared to the peace, comfort and safety she felt in Matthew'. How could she have been so blind as not see she did not harbor any feelings for William? That first night they met when he had kissed her hand, she had felt joyous, but only because of the mystery of their surroundings.

The tears fell from her eyes and  bits of her soul leaving her. She felt empty and alone. It was cold and she was alone. Jane did not know how long she stood there watching the path on which Matthew and his horse had disappeared, but it was now dark and she felt a warm hand on her shoulder. She could not tell who it was, she was not sure she cared to know. All she wanted was Matthew to ride back and tell her he was sorry and he understood. He did not give her the opportunity to explain, he did not want to listen. She knew she would not see him again. Their last meeting had been one of pain and torture.

'Jane,' William's voice washed over. She was angry. This was his fault. Him and that woman, his supposed acquaintance. 'You have been out here for long. The sun had long set, you will catch an illness in this cold weather.'

'Who was that woman William and why does she think I am with child?' she did not turn around, she was waiting for the sound of hooves riding back.

'Come let's go inside.'

She shook off his hand and turned to walk past him. She would speak to anyone until she spoke to Matthew. Her father wanted her locked away, the shame was too great for him to bear. She would grant his wish. She would hide away and speak to no one and when the time came to marry. She would marry William and remain silent all of her days.

The world thought her mute, she would confirm that one fact.