Kill Me, I'm 3 Faced (VII)

dear you iii

dear you,

as i write this now i wonder of you still read these at all or cease too. But it's hard for me to think about because it involves you. i have been really out and down lately as you can say. i've really fucked myself up with this one. i just, i can't surround myself with you because my feeling s for you are still fresh and not going to leave me soon. but if it makes it any better, im sorry. im sorry fpr wasting your time in promises that i couldn't ever live up too. 

But you must understand that i finally understand that i am the one to blame for everything. i am the one who steered south. im the one who just got caught up in the idea of us that i didn't believe we needed really anything else to just solidify the relationship between us. i just, i didn't how to do this. i don't know how to really be the admired and to also have the one i admire to "mine" as well. 

i just wish this isn't the one thing i fucked up. because now im alone. actually alone. i can't talk to ones i hold dear because they see this as a good thing a guess. maybe as if we ended on good terms. I sure as hell don't see it that way. it was over a screen where i can't emotional feel anything. and that you needed to work on yourself, is understandable but i guess i wasn't helping that like you said i was. and feeling nothing is great after all, i just wish i could feel that too.

i wish i could feel nothing too. so that i could be happy in a sense where i can actually move on, emotionally and physically. that's what you don't get, you leave everything here behind while i am still here. in the hallways and tables we stayed at. at that really amazing nights we had. thats what you don't get, i don't leave i stay and watch the memories in fucking head. over and over again. but the good news is, i finally finished that one song. acid love, but songs that have bad endings are usually better i guess.

i wish i could feel nothing so i can actually live my fucking life again.

without regrets,

whoever the fuck is writing this.