Kill Me, I'm 3 Faced (VII)

real friends

at first i was welcomed

i love them

they're my family

but how come i see

the same ones ignoring me

i feel something is chopping down this family tree...

i've been feeling left out

without a doubt

i might as well shout

i'm leaving!

but one there will miss Sabian

they're have been 

to many rejections 

is it time to move on from these betrayals?

should i leave them for these new loves i've grown to know?

they've accepted me in only week

the others

they threw me out

before i could even shout 

i'm sorry

for being your friend too

for having to have you all choose 

but i fought in a battle i knew i'd lose

in the end you threw me away like an old pair of shoes

like they're riddled with mud

like druggie in rehab but still fucks with the drugs

like i was completely fine

like i didn't need any time

then they left me out 

like i did the crime

it was likea staged homicide, someone shot a gun

but i called it mine

in the end,

how many of us are real friends?

how many will chew you up and spit you out wolves in their den?

how many of us are real friends?

how many will change the different camera lense?

how many of us are real friends?

how many of you will attend my own end?

how many of you fucking assholes are my real friends?

leave me out 

with all above me is rain clouds 

and all i hear are the sounds

the sounds of disappearance

i've heard no sounds of support since

way back when

i can hardly remember

me

myself and i 

until i die 

yeah that's the shit something to remember

and if you don't like me

write a fucking a letter.

to those who may concern/who know me personally:

i'm leaving band in order to not quit Say Si. This program is not full of judges and other higher elites, we are equal in this sense of talent. writers, actors, directors. we are all here to gather. i felt welcomed once in band but now i feel left out from everyone and everything. and it's not y'alls fault at all. it's entirely mine. i made the decision, so fuck it, i'm done, i'm done pretending, i'm done listening, i'm done trying work out if i was the fuck up. i know i was and i still fucking am. i felt no support from anyone, honestly, it's been pissing me the fuck off. and yes, you have your rights and i have mine, but shit, i guess i've felt no support. so i'm leaving to become the person my destiny wished for me to become, i'm leaving to be a writer, an artist of words, a typewriter stuck on a single story. i'm leaving because the ones who believe that they won't take sides, only see the one side to take and that is to just i don't know, not ... i don't fucking know anymore. so that's it. bye band, shit would've never helped anyway.

how many of us are real friends?

real friends with no ends

real friends where i mean something

real friends when they hope i'm coming

real friends i can trust

real friends because it's not a must

real friends, friendship that sucks

real friends 

define it

design it

hope one day, again, i'll find it.

"I believe in you sabian

you're in this for life now kid

dude, your writings are good, have you showed this to people?" 

- new friends

bye.