The Reasons I Fell For You

I

3 Days Before

Pacing back and forth down my room, I let out a frustrated sigh before turning back to Mia, "why the hell won't he pick up his phone," my voice catching in my throat.

"I don't know Az," she says pleading with me "he's probably over at Jake's or someones, I wouldn't worry about it."

"I guess" I mumble out before collapsing on my bed, we spent the rest of the night laughing at Biddy and eating pizza. Until my phone rang breaking in the peaceful night in with my best friend. "It's Emmett," I say sitting up on my bed, looking over at Mia, "should I answer it? I mean he was being so shady about what he was doing."

Nodding her head, "hear him out he might have a good reason, but put him on speaker."

"Finally, how long has it-" I'm cut off by an unfamiliar voice.

"Is this, Azura?" says the voice on the other end of the line.

"What are you doing with my boyfriend's phone?" I ask cautiously, looking over at Mia.

"I'm sorry, it's just you were first on his speed dial, a man found him on the side of the street and brought him in..." everything goes numb, I'm not sure what had happened next, I just knew that Emmett was in hosptial and it wasn't looking good.

Thirty Days After

It had been a month. A whole month, since Emmett died. I love him, more than anything in the world. Closing my eyes, I burrow myself deeper into my bed wishing the day away.

Happy anniversary baby.

BEEEEP. BEEEEEP. BEEEEEEP. BEEP.

No turning back now, it's time to face the world.

Forcing myself out of bed, I walk half asleep into my bathroom. Not wanting to look in the mirror knowing the terrible mess I would see in front of me, I get in the shower, wanting to look at least half decent for school. I hadn't realised how long I had been standing there until I heard my phone going off in my bedroom, after wrapping myself towel, I walk lifelessly into my room but stop short, when I see a small box sitting on my dressing table that wasn't there before. Slowly lifting the lid off of the box, inside was a sea of pink tissue paper with a small card sitting on top.

Emmett. I would recognise the handwriting anywhere.

Sliding my finger under the small flap on the envelope, gently pulling out a small card that was inside. I skim my eyes over his words trying to hold the tears back, knowing I would never see his writing ever again. The way he tried so hard not to make his writing the slop down the page, or the way he can never quite make his eights look like eights or the way he could never quite dot his i's, I would never see his wonderfully awful handwriting again. Placing the card on the table, I dig deep into the sea of pink tissue paper until my hand hit a small mason's jar full of small colourful envelopes, numbered 1 to 365.
365 reasons why he, Emmett Aubrey, is... was in love with me, Azura Reynolds.

***

When I arrive at school I suddenly have the overwhelming feeling that maybe I should have taken up mums offer of staying at home today. Pushing the door to my form room open, I feel everyone's eyes on me. Yep I was right I should have just curled up in bed and slept the day away. My skirt suddenly felt too short, my shirt too tight, my tie too big, my hair a mess and face like death, there was no way I could stop people staring. They knew it, somehow I hoped they forgot, I hoped they didn't care, I wanted them to forget the day Emmett asked me on a date.

"Az, I didn't think you were coming in today," I heard Mia call out my name through the silence scrambling across the room before engulfing me in a hug. The chatter soon started up after that, like nothing ever happened. "You okay, I know what day it is, you don't have to talk about it, I know you have to be feeling like hell right now." She said her voice full of worry as she finally released me from her bear hug.
"I'm okay, he did the sweetest thing," I started but broke off when I saw the look on Mia's face, "No, Mia, I know he isn't still alive I know that, I am not going crazy, hear me out yeah?" I say pleading with her not to start the whole acting like I'm glass that's about to break again.
"Okay, but if I get one hint of wishful thinking I am treating you like you need all the love and hugs in the world again. Got it?" She gave me a pointed look full of worry. Smiling at her softly, I give her a small kid before continuing.
" Anyway, as I was saying," I start to tell her about everything he had planned, from the box with the jar of love letters to the bouquet of flowers that arrived just as I left for school, " I guess he had something really special planned for tonight, what was probably months in the making." I say with a sad smile.
"He really did love you, you know" Mia said wrapping her arm around my shoulder.
"I know" I say letting out a soft sigh.

The rest of the day was a blur to me, I was just a shell walking from room to room. Not that the teachers minded, I mean I guess I haven't been myself since the accident, so I doubt they even questioned why I didn't write anything all lesson, it's not like they thought I wasn't going to pass my exams or anything. I was always the model student, I always handed in on time, I got A's and B's, I was head of the prom committee, I was... I am still, popular enough to not be teased or called names.

The thing was everyone knew Emmett, he was the star of the Ruby team, he was Mr Popular, he was a genuinely all round nice guy. Even the teachers liked him, which was probably why it was such a shock when everyone found out he died. The police thought it was mugging gone wrong, which made it hurt more, because he probably would have given the guy the money if he asked cause he was like that, always wanting to help people. He wasn't some Saint. Don't get me wrong, he was all of that, but he was also lazy like the rest of us, his room was always a mess, and he always ate all my share of the pizza... but I loved him for it. But one thing, I could not stand, was the way he always rested his elbow on my head when we were waiting in lines like I was some walking elbow rest or something.

"So Azura, me and Chelsea were gonna go into town after school you wanna come?" Emily asked breaking me from my thoughts.
"Hmmm, oh what, no sorry not today, I was gonna watch this film with my parents, maybe some other time?" I say flashing her a timid smile, all I wanted to do today was go back to bed and watch Netflix for the rest of the day. It was going to be a long day.

***

Letter 1

The first reason I fell for you:
The way your face goes bright red and frustrated noise you make, when I lean on you in public.