Chasing Stars

I'm Not Stressed

I awoke to the smell of pancakes and bacon. I smiled slightly. I through on some clothes and walked downstairs.

"Mom, I thought you had to work," I said before I could stop myself. But as I turned the corner I saw Lindsay, Gerard, Bandit, Mikey, and Kristin. Gerard stopped mid coffee drink as Lindsay turned and looked at me questioningly. My heart felt like it was ripped out. I took a step back but before I could get far I saw Gerard stand up. My mom was dead, I was remembering the last morning before she died. I looked around for a moment as I felt Gerard's arms wrap around me.

"No I'm fine," I said pushing against him.

"No you aren't but that's okay," he said not allowing me to push him away. I looked at Lindsay over his shoulder. I finally managed to pull myself back together. I pushed him away finally, keeping my eyes on Lindsay.

"She makes... made. She made this on Saturday mornings, that's all. I just, I'm still tired. I'm fine," I said for myself to hear more so than anyone else. Lindsay nodded.

"It's probably your hormones," Lindsay said, "Gerard, she's alright, let the girl have some orange juice." I gave her a half smile. She knew that wasn't what was going on but she gave me this, this moment. I sat down at the table. Lindsay brought me some water and aspirin, which I quickly took. Half way through breakfast I looked at my phone to see my friend Derek called me three times. I excused myself to the patio. I called him back.

"Hey, I was hopping you weren't avoiding me."

"Well you know," I said with a smile.

"How are things?"

"Good, great, school sucks but I've made some friends. How's the band?"

"Ry..." he said in a 'I don't believe you' way.

"Don't call me that." I heard the door open quietly knowing that someone was listening.

"Sorry, Rylynn be straight with me."

"Things are fine Der, I just keep getting these headaches from the weather. Now please distract me from California and tell me what's happening in Jersey." he chuckled.

"The band is fine, I'm flunking out of Math and my mom is freaking. Oh and she wants to send you food."

"Of course you're failing math, I'm not there for you to cheat off." I finally turned to see Gerard and Mikey standing there. "One second Der," I said pulling the phone away from my face. "Yes?" I said to both of them.

"Putt putt?" Mikey said while Gerard gave a half smile.

"Fine but can I talk for 15 more minutes?" They nodded. I waited until they left.

"Sorry I'm back."

"They're worried," Derek said.

"I know everyone is, and they can get over it."

"Rylynn, we're worried that you're not alright. You broke your guitar, you ripped up your paintings and cut all your hair. What else are we supposed to do?"

"You have 10 minutes, is this really what you want to talk about."

"Fine but one more thing, your friend that you've made there, what's his name, Jeremy right?"

"Yeah."

"Talk to him, just talk to someone please."

The rest of the conversation was about our mutual friends back home. It was nice to just hear his voice. It helped to root me back to reality. I got dressed and returned to see everyone ready to go to putt putt. It was lame but I indulged them. I did get a good laugh at Kristin trying to get around the hippo. We were turning out clubs back in when I saw Jeremy standing in the arcade. I handed my club to Gerard and walked over to him.

"Well if it isn't the crazy girl," he said setting his coke down.

"What are you doing here, not really the place for criminals," I said leaning against the pinball machine.

"Rylynn, come on let's go get sushi," Mikey shouted toward me.

"One sec."

"Sushi?" Jeremy said.

"They think it's the only thing I'll eat," I said in a dry voice.

"And why is that? Is your crazy brain telling you bones are cooler than flesh?" My smile faded. He looked at me for a moment. "Text me your address, I'll pick you up at midnight?"

Every instinct in my body was saying don't do it but for some reason I wanted to. I took the paper out of his hands. "You know he would kill me right?" I asked referring to Gerard.

"I know but something tells me, you don't care." I smiled and turned to leave. When I got in the car pulled my phone out.

'So what should I expect'

'Well I'd wear walking shoes'

'670 Burer Ave'

'See you tonight' With that I put my phone away.

"So Rylynn, it sounds like you like Math?" Mikey said as we were seated in a chinese restaurant.

"No I hate it, I'm just good at it," I said blankly, looking at the menu.

"You're Mom was too." When he said that I almost spit out my water. He never talked about my mother, at least not to me. I took a deep breathe to calm myself.

"Can we not do this?" I asked rubbing my head. My headache was coming back.

"Rylynn, how long have you getting these headaches?" Gerard asked in a worried manner.

"It's nothing." They all exchanged looks.

"God what now?" I asked putting the menu down and taking another drink of water.

"Nothing, I just think we might want to take you to the doctor."

Taking a deep breath I said, "Gerard, no affiance but I don't think you know me well enough to just decide medical decision for me or keep them from me. So why don't you just tell me what's going on in your head?" I realized after I said it how much attitude I put into it. I was annoyed, he hadn't been there my entire life he had no idea of my medical history. Gerard looked at me for a moment with a slight glare.

"I know you're upset and stressed," he began.

"I'm not stressed," I interrupted.

"but there is no reason to take that attitude with me. If you want me to be straight with you than fine." He began to rub the back of his neck which I had come to learn it was a sign of nerves. "I'm worried, especially after this mornings events that the headaches have to do..with..the.. um."

"Accident, you can say accident."

"I'm worried it might be related to your temporary memory loss."

"We all are," Lindsay said placing her hand over mine that was on the table. I looked at her for a moment, she truly was a beautiful women. I then looked at Gerard, who still had worry all over his face.

"Whatever," I said pulling my hand away and becoming interested in the menu. Luckily the waitress came over and took our order before the tension became to much. The rest of dinner went pretty much like that. Awkward and alloying and full of talking about art and comics.