Chasing Stars

If You Say So

When dinner finally came, it was extremely uncomfortable. There was a thick tension that I'm sure I caused somehow. Even Bandit seemed to pick up on it. Gerard barely spoke or looked up from his plate for that matter. The moment the plates where cleared, Gerard announced we need to head home and requested Bandit and I grab our belongings. We all said our goodbyes before getting into the car, eventually arriving at the house. I eagerly exited the quiet tension filled car. Waiting by the door for Lindsey to unlock it while Gerard carried a sleeping Bandit inside.

I had just sat pulled out my notebook when a light knock came to the door. Gerard entered the room shutting the door behind him.

"We need to talk," he said in a fatherly tone. I swallowed hard terrified that Mikey told him what I was doing.

"About what?" I asked trying my hardest to sound innocent. Gerard sat down at my desk, leaning his weight on his knees.

"You told Mikey I was going on tour," he said simply. Relief swept over me.

"You didn't say it was a secrete. I assumed it was public knowledge," I said in my defense.

"Yeah I haven't signed the papers yet so it isn't official. Bandit doesn't know. The guys definitely didn't know," he said sounding irritated.

"How was I supposed to know. Besides it just kinda slipped out. We weren't even talking about you," I said in a defensive tone.

"Then why would you say it? Our family business is our family business, I don't need everyone knowing I'm going to be gone and it's not as long as you think," Gerard added.

"Whatever fine, I'm sorry okay?" I asked in an irritated tone.

"Rylynn, I'm not asking for an apology. I need you to know that you can't just go telling people I'll be on tour. If it gets out to the public and it doesn't go through, there would be serious consequences." Gerard was looking me straight in the eyes at this point. He was waiting for me to answer.

"Okay," I said softly pushing the hair out of my face.

"Now what is this about a boy?" Gerard asked.

"What are you talk about?" I asked completely lost in what he was referring to.

"The boy you are writing letters to?" Gerard asked raising his eyebrows.

"It's fine, it was for Derek," I lied.

"Okay if you say so. I'll let you get back to homework," he said standing up. He kissed my forehead briefly before heading for the door.

"Hey Dad?" I asked to gain his attention. He turned, a small smile on his face.

"Yeah?"

"Is this why you didn't say a single word at dinner?" I asked hoping it wasn't because I told Mikey something I shouldn't have.

"Yeah it was. Mikey's just worried about you and apparently so is Frank and Ray. I got an earful about how I needed to cancel the tour." I looked down at my hands. It was still foreign to me that people who barely knew me wanted to protect me. "Rylynn, it's not your fault. They would be saying the same things if you weren't here. The guys are just protective over the entire family. This isn't your fault okay?" Gerard added leaning on my dresser.

"Yeah okay," I said looking down at my hands.

"Do you wanna talk about the tour?" He asked looking at me with an intense stare. I pulled my math book out of my bag and began to open it.

"No I'm fine," I stated quickly.

"Rylynn?" Gerard said forcing me to stop looking at my math book and looking up at him.

"Gerard, I'm fine," I stated attempting to contain my frustration. In reality I didn't know how I felt and that terrified me.

"Gerard huh?" he questioned raising his eyebrows. "I'd just started to get used to you calling me Dad. Why the sudden change?" He asked.

"It's not a big deal. Like you said you won't be gone all the time," I stated with as little emotion as I could muster.

"Okay, if you say so," Gerard said as he walked out of the room. It a fit of anger I pulled out the sheet Mrs. Peterson gave me and quickly scribbled Gerard's name on the paper. I shoved the item back in my bag and released the breath I had been holding. This was the right thing to do. Gerard would never find out about it. He could go on his stupid tour without worrying about what anyone at the school thought of him. He would be able to go. He would be able to leave and I could go back to isolating myself.