1/20/16

3 0 0

by juliannaxphan

by juliannaxphan

Im starting to become confused. I dont know what is wrong but I'm finding myself upset and depressed but I dont know why. My parents are noticing. Some of my guy friends are noticing. My cousin says I'm emo. Im starting to look up depressing quotes for no reason. I dont think I'm depressed. I feel like a part of me is though. Im upset about a few things but I dont think that's the reason for me pouting and looking like I just ran over a puppy. I also found out something about myself this week. I have very dark thoughts. And when I say them aloud I look back at them and at first I think its ok. Its no big deal. But now I'm worried. My friend John says I'm depressed. My friend Mark thinks its a phase. John has thoughts like I do. Let me try to explain this: I have this deep hatred for the human race. Last week I finally got John to open up and actually talk about his thoughts. We think exactly the same. The people on this planet are slowly killing the earth. Just feeding the fire that burns it. It will destroy everything. That's when I said something so horrible even he thought it was bad. He said one day there will be no food for the animals so they will die. And I said once they die. We have no food. So we eat each other. We eat each other. No more people. No more people. No more bodies to bury. No more bodies. The earth can't eat us. Once the earth goes hungry. It eats itself. Right down to the core until it burns and just ceases to exist.

After I said that. I was shocked. I had never heard myself say those things and I'm constantly worrying. But I dont know about what. I feel like I'm just upset. But fir no reason. Im not always upset. Im happy most days. But now its more frequent that I find myself feeling sad and just broken.
Empty.
Numb.
Like nothing is there.
No sadness.
But no happiness.

A misguided ghost. Paramore

A bulletproof heart. MCR

Dead inside. MUSE

Im not okay. MCR

A scarecrow. MCR

For no reason at all........