Time we win, time we lose

Chapter 1- Happy alone

"Which is worse" I wondered. Emotional pain or physical pain?
Something I've learnt about people, if they do it once, they'll do it again. That's why I, Nick Andrew Hudson, have come to the tantalising conclusion of not trusting anyone.

My whole forlorn life has pretty much been an immense joke, I've always harshly detested this self loathing revolting side I carry with me. I have terrifyingly let this ugly side take over me lately, as the alienation and social rejection has caused me to be an insecure submissive 16 year old doubtful teenager who wants nothing more then a thoughtless normal life.

The anguish people usually face in finally coming to the result that they are "different" is usually hard to take in but not for me, I'm different in being different.

I tried so hard to get better, to get over this, to forget it all but unfortunately you must "overcome your Demons and Let people into your life so you can form and maintain healthy friendships with classmates and teachers" according to multiple psychologists with all unusually high-pitched voices. All I ever seem hear or take out of our lovely LONG conversations is "get over it you idiot, move on, be nice to your teachers and make some fucking friends!"

Now my question is Why is not having any friends necessarily a bad thing? Councillors always say to "make friends and maintain healthy relationships". I find this statement very hypocritical in the manner that, majority of inadequate problems councillors have to face is tares and betrayals in relationships, ranging from hurt friendships to distant remorseful lovers.

That is one of the reasons I don't want friends and sometimes I just need to be alone instead of dragging people down with me.

I used to always be surprisingly happy and optimistic until my beautiful loving sister Lucy "passed on". At 6am I would always visit her room for an hour then fiercely sprint to school to sit in my boring class only to imagine when I could leave this stupid school.
After school I would sprint back to the hospital and visit room 16, to talk until visiting hours was dreadfully over.

She had terminal cancer, and I couldn't help her no matter what I did. Sometimes all you can do is smile and move on with you life, hold back the tears and pretend that you are fine and don't need any help.

I still visit Lucy in her room every day. She might not be there but whenever I'm there I feel worthlessly close to her. Whenever I open the big dreaded door I can almost hear her shrill little voice yelling
"NICK STUPID HEAD BRING ME FOOD"
So as instructed I would give her whatever food i had in my small back pack. The smile she had when receiving new food was priceless. She was 8 years old, one if the unfortunate rare younger patients. She had hyperactive green eyes which were her most prominent feature, she used to have short perfect platinum hair the complete opposite of mine. She had to cut it all of once treatment started, she was still beautiful.

The St Margrets hospital was one of the biggest in Australia the interior was simply beautiful. My hopeful sister was on the fifth floor and had her own private room. The philosophical hospital staff are very kind apart from the repulsive janitor who has become my best friend- just kidding.
The sinful janitor rolled his sickening light grey eyes, here we go again.

"Mr Hudson what the hell are you still doing here son" he stumbled up towards me leaving behind the treturous mop bucket which seemed to always be watching.

"I'm sure you were just leaving right" his plummy thick voice sent shivers down my long spine as he gave me a noxious grin which made me want to occupy a hospital room. I always think I could totally take him, in a fight, as he would be well into his fifties as his age lines and grey roots seem to defy him. The only thing holding me back is his size... He would be a bit taller then me but by saying that, would be three of me in width, therefore I bite my tongue and simplify run as he cannot.

"Why yes sir"
I placed one foot forwards placing all my weight onto it coming closer to his face with a mischievous grin "just leaving motherfuc-" I trailed off running through the hospital towards the silver elevators as quickly as I could to escape the repugnant sinister janitor.
Room 14, 15 and 16. I admirably opened the door as fast as my hands would take me and gloriously locked it as "it" would soon come looking for me.
I turned around to exceptionally notice the white hospital bed sheets rumpled up at the head of the bed. Did I get the wrong room? I peered around the corner as the bathroom to the left was the first feature of the room.

I slithered into the first class room to put my curiosity to bed but unfortunately curiosity spiked as I saw a stunning beautiful brunette sitting spectacularly upright fascinatingly looking out the glass window with her legs under the covers. she wasn't supposed to be here. On that Wednesday my life changed, green eyes piercing through all of my walls, causing me to almost break down crying with the amount of emotions running through my body . I felt suddenly the centre of this girls attention was a very bad place, but I couldn't leave.

She had very fine light brown, soft hair that fell just below her back. She had a curved slightly upturned nose and small lips with a bigger bottom lip. For a "patient" she was weirdly tanned which accompanied nice to her beautiful figure which she currently hid in the white baggy hospital gowns. Overall my first thought was, beautiful.

Even though she had gorgeous face structure, a jaw line chiseled out of wood and had a perfect body she wasn't supposed to be here.

"Well ok"

I raised my eyebrows as I clicked my tongue on the roof of my mouth and looked at the door, not before lunging my hand out to grab the silvery door handle to escape!
But just as I was was about to pull the door handle and run.

She started laughing.

God she has a spectacular laugh. As I was admiring her marvellous laugh I suddenly became utterly confused of why she we was breathtakingly laughing in the first place. Which resulted in me to stop dead in my tracks. Currently standing in a lunge position, strangling the door handle with my weirdly huge hands, I carefully backtracked to the main room, where the beautiful laughing girl sat, still holding my lunge position. Once I strutted back to the desired spot, taking massive steps, I turned my head to her direction, she was smiling perfectly. I noticed she had the cutest dimple on the right side of her eye while she currently squinted at me.

"Hi"

The words just managed to just escape her lips as she seemed to squeak them out in a high tone while occasionally letting out a small laugh. She remained extremely liberated as if she actually enjoyed my company, am I in the once thought overwhelming terrifying process of making a friend.

"Hi"

I gasped and looked at her questionably as if she were hiding something. The room looked a little different then usual, as the room contained one dreaded single white hospital bed, a silver lined dripper with a loud heart monitor, two red distinctive lounge chairs for refreshing guests, a first rate desk for flowers and note pads all underneath a captivating brown carpet.

"And may I ask your name malady"

I sarcastically bowed to her holding my stomach and extending my hand upturned as if I would hold it and gently place a kiss atop.

"Scarlet Hilda Brown, at your service sir"