If you are reading this,
I just want to go to your house and kiss you smack on the lips and scream out through your window that [insert name here] Is THE WORLD’S MOST PERFECT PERSON EVER YOU HEAR THAT?
But sadly, I cannot.
So here I am, writing you guys an apology letter while I eat a salad and chocolates for dinner.
I admit, I felt like giving up on the story. Not that there were any negative comments, but I was the type of person who gives up easily and toys with people’s feelings even if deep down in my brain my conscious is telling me not to.
That was the first reason why.
Secondly, I have a story regarding of why I stopped for so long.
I never knew I had anxiety until one day I was apologizing for failing something and a senior looked at me and shook her head and gave me a disappointed look saying I have to stop saying sorry because if I say sorry and don’t do anything about it there is no point in saying sorry.
But I tried and I tried until I broke.
And so I broke down and I had to stay away from everything that was related to what I failed. Looking at this fanfiction just made me more and more disappointed in myself for letting you guys down day after day.
I know some of you would agree with what my senior said but for someone with anxiety it triggers something, something deep and it burns so much that you’ll never forget for the rest of your life. You know why? Because I know there is nothing I can do about it. I’ll just end up more disappointed and she would end up scolding me more and more and more.
So sometime about this month, I gathered up my feelings and faced the truth. I aced at what I failed and I made my spot secure so well that no one could cut through my walls anymore.
Of course there is always a loophole but hey, no walls are perfect.
Now I’m back and strong enough to say I will try and try so hard and I will push myself to finish this! I have the plotline all figured out in my phone months ago (yeah my phone tormented me too) so I’M GONNA DO IT AND I SWEAR TO ALL THAT YOU BELIEVE THAT I WILL FINISH THIS GODDAMN STORY AND MAKE HISTORY!
That is all, expect a new chapter before next week. If I don’t update just remind me on Twitter or something, I always go there to post lame jokes to lift my days up heheh :)
xoxo Rachael <3
YOU ARE READING
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