Sweetest Downfall

ii. it's sad to belong

To be wedded to someone you love is probably the every lady's dream, even mine. I would walk down the aisle with my beautiful wedding gown, while I hook my arm with my father's, and then I would wipe a few tears that are about to fall down. How romantic would it look like? My groom, the man of my life, would be waiting for me at the end, and we would face the altar and say our vows to each other in front of God.

But right now, as I am listening to them talk about my upcoming wedding, I don't know what to feel. Should I be happy? Of course, not. Not even a bit of excited.

"Meg, hija, please, stop!" pagpigil sa'kin ni Tita Serafina, ang mom ni Ash. "Baka hindi matuloy ang kasal!" she added.

Hawak-hawak ko kasi ang wedding gown na susuotin ko daw sa kasal namin. I held it and smiled at her. Saka ako pumasok sa fitting room para isukat ang gown.

I am pissed as fuck. Hindi ko hahayaang ako lang 'yung asar ngayon, dapat sila din.

Nang lumabas ako ay narinig ko ang pag-gasp nila Mama at Tita. They both looked mortified. Really, they should stop doing that. Wala naman akong pakialam kung matuloy ang kasal o hindi. Actually, I would be very happy if it doesn't't happen. I wouldn't want to be married to a jerk named Adam Sef Harpers.

Nakangisi si Ash nang mapatingin ako sa kaniya. He is really enjoying this, huh? Oh, well, I'm not! Inirapan ko siya at tinalikuran upang tumingin sa whole body mirror. Naririnig ko pa din ang pagpigil sa'kin ni Tita Serafina kahit nasuot ko na ito.

Nang matitigan ko ang sarili ko, napanganga ako. I look...beautiful.

Truth be told, the wedding gown was beautiful itself. It was a white, strapless ballgown that fits me perfectly. Sakto pa dahil nakatali sa high bun ang buhok ko. Para na akong ikakasal talaga.

Nagulat ako ng bigla akong yakapin ni Mama mula sa likod. I could hear a few muffled sobs and I couldn't help but feel sad as well. "Anak, you're getting married..." she said in a low voice. She isn't mad at me for wearing my gown. She was just sad because I am getting married. Hindi siguro naniniwala si Mama sa mga pamahiin na 'yan.

Umikot ako at hinarp sa Mama. I hugged her back and let out a few chuckles. "Ma, don't cry," pagpapagaan ko sa loob niya. She knew this is about to happen, but siguro mahirap talagang makita ang anak mo na ikakasal na.

Oh, believe me, mother. Mahirap din para sa anak mo ang ikasal sa taong hindi naman niya mahal.

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Days, weeks, and months have passed and malapit nang matapos ang preparations para sa kasal. Ang pinakahands-on ay ang mga magulang namin, lalo na sina Mama at Tita Serafina. Sila lagi ang nakikipagmeeting sa organizers dahil hindi naman ako interesado.

I just go with them when I feel like I want to. Tulad na lamang noong food tasting. Sumama ako kasi masiyado akong nab-bore sa bahay. And isa pa, I wanted to at least choose the foods. Para kahit 'yun man lang ay magustuhan ko sa araw ng kasal.

Another reason why I don't help on preparing for the wedding is because of Tutoy. Ayokong makita ko siya kapag nagm-meeting dahil puro pang-aasar lang ang ginawa niya. It is as if he doesn't mind that our parents arranged us on a wedding!

And today, my mom went to meet with the organizer. Ich-check daw nila ang venue ng reception. She went home a few hours ago at excited niyang ibinalita sa'kin kung gaano kaganda ang lugar. Hindi na ako sumama dahil kailangan ko pang tapusin ang thesis paper ko. Kanina pa nga ako nas-stress dito. Pero keri naman. At least, konting kembot na lang, graduate na ako!