Everything Cliché (One Shots)

The Drug Dealer Who Got A Date

Monday, 2nd October, 2016

2:15 pm

"I mean if you want to supply, I can probably make a few calls, ya know what I'm saying" I said taking out my business card from my coat's inner pocket and handing it to her.

3:00 pm
"I can't believe I just got slapped "I said holding the ice pack to my swollen cheek.
" I can't believe you tried to sell drugs to your date, Oh my God, do you know how hard I worked to arrange that for you Brad "Sarah yelled at me from across the kitchen.
" well it wasn't my fault, she was the one who started talking about pot, I mean how would I know that she was an antique collector talking about an actual pot "I retorted.
" you know Brad I thought I was dumb but I since I met you, I feel really good about myself... "she said with a poker face.
" you do, well thanks... Wait what that wasn't a compliment was it, what do you mean?!! "
" I mean that though you're my best friend and I totally love you, you're as bright as a doorknob and that is why you have absolutely NO love life " she sorta yelled.
" I don't want a girlfriend, I'm too busy with work Sarah "
" Brad "
" yeah? "
" I heard you talking to yourself in the bathroom about uh.. 'things' "
" I don't know what you're talking about, okay how much did you hear?"
"the part where you were trying to ask an imaginary girl out on a date and the part where you were trying to complement yourself in a girl's voice "
" okay that's invasion of my privacy "
" nope that's a person who's got issues, look I don't want my bestie to lose his marbles "
" what then? "

4:05 pm

" this is a bad idea "I whisper yelled to Sarah." I'm starting to think you have lost your marbles "
" Oh just shut up, I've watched movies you know, this always works, trust me I know what I'm doing buddy "

6:09pm

" I can't believe I was beaten up... Again "I said

So here's what happened, flashback....

We were standing at the roadside because Sarah wanted me to 'learn' how to impress a girl. It was her plan that I should complement all of the strangers that passed through there, which of course she had seen on TV. So I started doing just that but I messed up each time and well let's just say I got slapped, punched, kicked and bruised. Really after the 7th one I stopped counting.
"dude this is slow death "I thought to myself. Then walked in the girl of my dreams.... Ha just kidding. On being pushed, physically and mentally by Sarah, I thought oh fudge Ima just gon do it. Well bad choice, I accidentally complemented her about her huge curly hair, she was delighted and asked me what I thought was so special about her hair. Overflowing with confidence, I sincerely replied that she wouldn't even need to carry a bag or a comb cuz she could just put in all in her hair........ Yes, I said that.

Neither did I know that if you compliment a woman about the volume of her hair, you would get kicked where the sun don't shine nor had I known that this particular young lady was Tulip's sister... Tulip the mafia leader of area 57.
And the third thing I didn't know was that Tulip was walking just behind his sister......
Let's just say there was a lot of "hold me back bro" where no one actually held him back cuz if he had I wouldn't have got a sore eye, a bruise across my face, a cut on my lower lip and a very agonising pain in a particular part of my masculinity.

7:37 pm

Sarah and I were watching key and peele and laughing our ass out while eating Mac and cheese. This shit is good... No joke.
I was looking at Sarah from my peripheral vision, she looked so cute when she was laughing, I loved to make her laugh so I'd always suggest something hilarious to watch........
"Yo Brad "
" Huh.. Uh.. Yeah.. Yeah... Sorry what?"
"why re you staring at me all googly eyed seriously its Creeping me out... "
She said with fake disgust.
" I sorta like to see you laugh " I replied, surprising myself.
" okay you got issues, you're totally losing your marbles.... "
But... You know the same goes for you" she suddenly said averting her eyes to the TV.
"Sarah? "
" hmm? "
Would you like to go out on a date with me?"

5 and a half years later

2:15 pm

"I do "I said.
" I do "Sarah said.

2 years later

9:05pm

" Daddy? "
" hmm? "I asked Jason
" I wanna hear a story "
" okay well once in a Kingdom far away... "
" Oh not this one daddy, I wanna hear a different story today" Jason said pouting.
I laughed at his attempt to look angry. "well do you wanna hear a new story? It's called 'The Drug Dealer Who Got A Date'.
After Jason nodded in approval, I began," so there was this guy who was as bright as door knobs......