My Secret Angel

Chapter 4

     The drive back to Niall's was a quiet one. I could tell he was deep in thought, thinking about who knows what. My heart was still beating a million miles a minute, and I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was wrong... or that I was forgetting something. I took inventory of everything I kept in my room that was important to me; guitar, sketchbook, jewelry, my writing supplies, my book, my stuffed bear, my blades... oh shit my blades! I forgot about the loose floorboard in my closet I hid them under, along with the only remaining picture of my mom.

     I never thought I'd ever be one to turn to a blade in hopes for an escape. That is, until my mom left. When the man I used to call my father started hitting me, I thought I could tough it up and be strong; play my own hero. But as things got progressively worse, I realized not even I could save myself. I started scratching my wrists and thighs with my nails, but eventually I turned to blades to help me ease the emotional pain. I'd sit on my bathroom floor crying silently for hours, swiping the sharpened metal against my soft skin. The scarlet drops released from the wounds I made mesmerized me, to the point where I couldn't stop. Pain became my escape, a personal paradise. I would do anything to escape reality.

     Even still, things got worse with my dad. He'd come home sometimes and beat me 'til I felt as if I were half dead. He made me feel so worthless; screaming profanities at me and treating me like the dirt he stomped on. The beatings increased more and more in frequency and severity. The bullying at school seemed to get worse too. Apart from Niall, I knew no one cared. No one would miss me if I was gone. It was my mindset for months. I constantly thought about killing myself just to finally end it all... but I knew Niall needed me. After his parents died when we were 16, I was the only one he had left. He had no family, and not many close friends at school. The one time I did try to end it, I was kind of relieved it didn't work.

     Niall never knew and still to this day doesn't know about what I've done. Yes, I still cut occasionally; but I always wear makeup to hide all the scars so he'll never know. As for my ever darkening thoughts, he's clueless about them. It's not that I don't trust him, I just don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have. I hope he never finds out. Ever.

     A distant voice snaps me out of the memories and new realization. Turning my head to look at Niall, I realize he's looking directly at me as we have already arrived back at his house. He's staring at me with a confused expression, and looking down I realize I was subconsciously scratching my wrist as I was lost in thought. I ripped my hands apart, giving him a small smile as if reassuring him that I was okay.

     He sighed and shook his head, then got out of the vehicle and went around the back to get my stuff. I got out shortly after him to help, grabbing my bag while he grabbed my guitar and sketchbook. I promised myself I'd sneak out after dark to get what I forgot.

     After Niall helped me put all my belongings away in the room he gave me, we decided to cook dinner since it was nearing six o'clock. We made some pasta dish that I forget the name of, but it was really good. After the kitchen was cleaned up we settled down to watch my favourite movie, Alice in Wonderland.

     At around ten or so, Niall announced that he was going to bed, getting up off the couch and stretching before stumbling to bed in the dark. I knew this was my chance. After waiting half an hour, I heard snores coming from the darkness I knew was his room, so I quietly tiptoed over towards the front door. Opening it slowly so that it wouldn't creak, I rushed out quietly and closed it gently behind me.

     I sprinted up the street towards my old home, chills racing down my spine at the sight of it. This house held so many bad memories, I was glad be finally be rid of it.

     I knew my dad was already passed out from either alcohol consumption or an overdose on one of the multiple street drugs he took. I slowly opened the front door and stepped inside, scanning my surroundings quickly before racing up to my room, expertly avoiding the squeaky floor boards and heavy footsteps. I knelt in front of my still-open closet, efficiently wriggling the loose floorboard out to grab my most valued possession. Sliding it back into place, I slid the pieces of metal and worn picture into the pockets of the hoodie I was wearing. I crept back downstairs and bolted out the front door, swearing never to enter through it again once it completely shut behind me.

     I slowed my pace on the way back to Niall's, knowing that no one was going to come after me. When I finally reached his driveway, I noticed all the lights were still off. From that, I assumed Niall was still asleep. Letting out a sigh of relief, I silently walked back into the house, slipping my shoes off and easing the door closed. Just as I was about to head up to my room, I heard someone's throat clear from the living room. Turning, I saw a sleepy and shirtless, yet furious best friend.

     "Where the hell did you go? I woke up and you were gone! I didn't know where you were.... I thought maybe your dad got hold of you! You scared me fucking shitless Arianna! Where the actual fuck did you have to be at eleven o'clock at night?!"

     Taking a deep breath, I prepared to answer him, "I just went for a walk. I needed to clear my head and I didn't want to wake you." I knew it was a lame excuse but I couldn't help it. If he knew the truth, I don't know what he'd do.

     Sighing, he said, "Ari, I'm your best friend. I'd give up a week of sleep if you needed me. You know I'm always here for you, no matter what. I care about you so much. You had me really worried when I woke up and I couldn't find you anywhere. I-I was scared. I was so fucking scared that I had lost you. You know you're the only one I have left in this cruel world. Without you, I'm nothing. When I woke up to you being gone, my heart broke. I swore I'd protect you and yet you disappeared from right under my nose. Just please promise next time you'll come get me? I'll never be mad, but you really scared me tonight Aire. Just, please promise you won't put me through that again."

     By the time he was done, I could feel tears streaming down my face. I knew he cared, of course I did. But I never knew he cared that much. It warmed my tainted heart that even after all we've been through together he still valued our friendship. He was literally perfect. I don't know how I ever came to deserve someone like Niall, but I'm so glad he became such a huge part of my life. Without him, there's no guarantee I'd even be breathing.

     "I promise, Niall," I whispered.

     He took a step closer to me, using the pad of his thumb to wipe the tears off my slightly red and now puffy cheeks. Gazing deep into my eyes, he slowly wrapped his strong arms around me and pulled me into a protective embrace. I cuddled my head into the crook of his neck, while he had his cheek resting on top of my head. We stood there for what felt like hours, in the comfort of one another's arms. This was my personal slice of heaven, in the arms of my guardian angel.

     After he had finally let me go, he scooped me up bridal style to carry me to his bed for the night. I know I had my own room here now, but I honestly didn't mind. Sleeping in his arms was the best feeling in the world. I would just sink back into his chest, knowing he'd protect me from anything I faced. With him around, I never had to go through anything alone.

     As he picked me up, something fell out of my pocket and landed on the living room floor. Shining in a stream of moonlight, a rusty blade lay on the ground. I was hoping Niall wouldn't notice and would just take me to bed, but of course the opposite happened. Carefully placing me on my feet, he bent down and scooped up the object in his hand before examining it closely for a few moments. When he looked up again, fresh tears were glistening in both our eyes.

     "Ari, what is this?" he whispered hoarsely.

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OOOOOH shit's about to go down. I'm really sorry for not updating... I've been studying fo