Why didn't you believe me?

Chapter 1 - Brownie Camp Revelations

As a young girl I was doing okay, I achieved goals quickly and to a high standard and I was very happy but all the way through my parents knew there was something not quite right about me. 

The first recollection I have of anyone else noticing something strange about me was when I was eight years old, I was on a brownie camp. We were staying in a church and we all had to tell each other a story for our storytellers badge. The Brownie Leaders weren't too happy with my story saying it was 'sick and too mature for a girl my age to be imagining' they wouldn't believe me when I told them it really happened. I was getting so angry because I was there and they weren't. Who the fuck were they to tell me different.

The other girls were telling stories about fluffy bunnies, handsome princes and magical unicorns and then my story comes in and cuts the bunnies ears off, chops the princes dick in half and saws the unicorns horn off! 

It went like this:

'I was playing in the playground with my little sister, Lucy and we were hanging from trees showing our knickers off to the world and a man walked past, an ugly scrunched up man with big sharp claws, a spotty face and a long pointy tongue. He came up to us as we swung from the branch and said, "hello little girl, what are you doing all the way out here on your own? Don't you want to play with your friends?"  he gestured to the children on the other side of the playground and I said, "we don't like playing with the other children" and Lucy said "so we aren't and we are busy playing so go away." He looked up and down my dangling body and ran a single claw up and down from my thigh right down to my face and right back up again, touching everything on the way past before grabbing me by my white frilly socked ankle and swinging me around to stand. I then tried to grab Lucy so we could run but he pulled her down first and told me to meet him in the school toilets before the end of lunch or he would kill Lucy. There he threw me to the floor and stuffed my mouth with tissue so nobody could hear me scream as he pulled my skirt up with one hand whilst holding me down with his other and then playing with me before pushing his penis inside me until he had reached satisfaction. He then dropped me and left.'

None of the leaders at Brownie camp believed my story and even after being in hospital with stomach migraines and the doctors and nurses asking if there was any chance of sexual assault nobody believed me and my story was ignored.

So that was my first knowledge of anyone knowing how fucked my mind was but it was just dismissed and I was left looking like a liar and the more I cried, the less people cared.

From that moment I knew I was on my own, nobody cared and nobody ever would so I learnt to fight myself, I had to make some friends of my own, a land to escape to like an adult would book a holiday, I had to make my own holiday, and the only place I could escape to was my own mind, but more about that later.