Annular

03: Freedom is a Cage

Kyle's wristband flashed as he walked towards the door of his apartment. An audible click came from the lock and the door swung ajar. He pushed it open with his foot and entered, then set down a cardboard box on the table nearby. Another audible click informed him that the door was now closed and locked again.

He undid the cross-hatch keeping the latches of the box closed and popped it open. He reached his hand in and pulled out The Chronicles of Analaïs. Even though Elizabeth had read it many times, he felt as if she would never know how the story ends now. He ruffled through the pages and tossed it back in.

It landed on top of photographs and postcards that half-filled the contents of the box. Elizabeth had refused to receive any correspondence electronically, forcing many who wanted to wish her well to come and do so in person or, if they lived too far away, to physically deliver letters, postcards, photographs, and anything else they wanted her to see and read.

"I already feel enough like a robot hooked up to all these machines," her voice echoed in Kyle's mind. He tried to argue that the only 'machine' actually connected to her was the IV drip, pointing out that the rest were all wireless, but it didn't matter to her. Eventually, she begrudgingly allowed Kyle to bring his tablet into the room since he was there so often, but only as long as he never used it while she was awake.

Surprisingly, no one seemed bothered when Kyle explained her decision, or, if they were bothered, they never once said anything about it. They happily came to see her in person. Those that lived in other cities and countries paid for packages—electronically, but at least they were delivered in person—that included typed messages and printed photographs. One of her friends even mailed a handwritten letter from Spain.

Kyle wondered if anyone would have done the same if it were he who was hospitalized, then quickly dismissed the thought. He knew that he would have preferred keeping in touch via his tablet. It didn't seem less personal to him as it did to Elizabeth.

He looked around the living room area and thought about the life that these walls used to contain. Not just of Elizabeth, but of the many stories he would never know of different people that had lived there before them. After he was gone, the next people to live in this apartment would never know about him or Elizabeth. To them, it would be as if they never existed at all.

"Samsara," he said aloud to himself.

His thoughts drifted to a cockatiel he owned when he was seven years old. He couldn't remember the last time he thought of it. His mother bought it for him despite his insistence on owning a puppy. Nevertheless, Kyle became attached to the bird and named him Gulliver. One day after reading that some cockatiels loyally follow their owners around like dogs, Kyle opened the cage to allow Gulliver to hop onto his wrist. He stroked the bird's head with his index finger and puckered his lips into a circle, blowing softly onto his beak. Gulliver showed him a proper whistle and playfully flapped his wings.

Kyle stepped out into the backyard. His mother never let him take Gulliver out of the cage, but she was away at the moment. This was the perfect moment for Gulliver to play outside. They imitated each other again, with Kyle blowing and Gulliver whistling, and Kyle lifted his hand up. The bird seemed confused as to his surroundings.

"It's okay," said Kyle. "You can fly around for a little while. Just don't go too far, okay?" He attempted another whistle and was surprised to hear the high pitch come from his mouth. Grinning from ear to ear, he lowered his hand slightly and popped it up.

Gulliver released his grasp on Kyle's finger and launched up into the air. He flapped his wings and flew in circles around the yard. Kyle ran around after the bird, jumping and laughing. Gulliver then flew higher into the sky and darted off away from the house. Kyle stopped running. He stared at his cockatiel becoming a small speck in the distance before vanishing completely.

His mother returned home a couple of hours later and found him sitting in the backyard with the open cage. Dry tears streaked down his face. She asked him what happened.

"He's free now," was all he said. He stood up and kicked away a rock next to his foot before walking back into the house.

There were no more pets after that.

He wanted to feel the same way with Elizabeth, that she was free now. But he couldn't help thinking it was him that was now stuck in a cage. Where he had once felt free, living in this apartment with her, he suddenly felt trapped. Not just in the apartment, either, for he knew that no matter where on Earth he went, the feeling of being trapped would remain. He wasn't able to follow Elizabeth and be with her this time.

He walked over to the sofa and plopped down on the cushions. Above him hung a framed caricature drawing of him and Elizabeth. A street artist from San Francisco had talked them into posing for one when they were visiting friends there. Neither of them was particularly interested in having a drawing or painting of themselves, and they were not at all the type to get photos of themselves to put up around the house, but they had a few hours to kill and the idea of caricatures seemed fun and silly enough to do in the moment, so they took some time to sit and indulge the artist.

The end result portrayed him with a serious expression and a concerned glance turned her way while Elizabeth obliviously smiled directly ahead. The artist's attempt at cuteness failed on them, but they did like that they seemed to be mirroring their actual selves. Elizabeth felt that Kyle never worried about anything, a trait that could aggravate her to no end when it seemed like he didn't care about anything, whereas Kyle would sometimes wish for Elizabeth to stop planning every minuscule detail in the future and live in the present moment, if only for just a few hours per day. They ended up putting it on their wall where they would always see it and be reminded to live a balanced life and to be more aware of each other's thoughts and feelings.

While gazing at the drawing, he felt his heart double in weight. Thoughts raced through his mind.

Was it possible to see Elizabeth again? Even if they didn't retain any of their previous memories, if they met again in another life, would they still love each other? Or would it be like starting over from nothing? Even if they ended up in the same lifetime and met each other, what guarantee would there be that they would even be friends? What if he was born twenty years after her?

He thought about what Dr. Marcom had told him. The ability to track and control reincarnation. It seemed like far-fetched science fiction. It sounded too good to be true. Although, at this point, it felt like he might just be vulnerable enough to believe in it.

Dr. Marcom had tried to explain how it all works. From what Kyle understood, after a person dies, their energy is released into the universe. That energy eventually finds its way back into another person. That's the reincarnation part. Memories do not carry over, but certain brain patterns do. It is these brain patterns that then seek to find another person compatible with them. That's the soul mate part.

Or at least it was something like that.

It was difficult to grasp what he had been saying. For all Kyle knew, it could have all been made up. The one thing that bothered him was that although the doctor mentioned that two energies could complete each other, he never specified that Kyle's and Elizabeth's energies were soul mates. Surely, experience had something to do with the connection they felt. It couldn't just be energy. There was more to love than compatible numbers and waveforms.

Kyle closed his eyes and tried to picture Elizabeth in his mind from before she got sick. He cleared away every thought except for her and fell asleep for what felt like the first time in days.