Stay Strong

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No body would miss you! Do it. One sneaky voice whispered.

No, not there. It might get stuck and what if this fails? That would be worse. My own voice spoke up in my head.

I moved the knife point from over my heart to my wrist.

Do it, you worthless piece of shit! The sneaky voice was getting agitated now.

No, not here either. Too much of a front row seat. I found myself having second thoughts again.

The knife point hovered over my stomach.

Do it. Do it now. What are you waiting for? Nobody cares! Get it through your thick head, you big dummy! They won't miss you! The only thought would probably be that there's one less mouth to feed. So why stay? Do them all a favour and stab yourself already!  The sneaky voice shrieked at me.

I held the knife far from me, point still facing my stomach and brought it in.

Almost brought it in.

Almost.

I can't.

I stopped myself just as the point touched my skin.

I just can't.

Coward. It hissed and faded to whispers trying to get me to kill myself.

Sighing, I put the kitchen knife where it had been.

It was getting close to midnight now. Everyone was asleep.

I had had a long day. Being the eldest is never really easy.

What with mom getting pregnant again and one year old Betty falling sick... Not to mention the preteen brother Jake and the first grader sister Grace being annoying as hell.

And there's the fact that my five year crush, Alex, had got a new girlfriend today. And that she was way prettier than I could ever be.

Oh and did I mention that nobody had given a damn about the 89% I'd gotten in my Math test paper that I'd taken two weeks ago?

Add the upcoming end-of-the-year exams and I've got myself a typical lovely vacation. Not.

This was probably nothing to drive a knofe through me, but, to me, it was.

Deciding to clear my head and get rid of the evil, suicidal voice in my head, I put on some warm clothes and stealthily got out the back door.

Having the beach less than five minutes away was a great aspect of living here.

One of the things I'll miss if I ever leave or... die.

My family would be another. As annoying as they all are, my life wouldn't be, well, my life, if they weren't in it. In all my seventeen years of living, they'd always been there for me. They complete my life.

Then there's Hailey, Martha and Rose. I'll miss all three of them like hell.

Hailey, Martha and I go back seven years so far. I'd been sitting on a bench at school after some fifth grader named Iredessa had said some things and I was really upset.

Then those two came and sat next to me and started dissing Iredessa with me. Suffice to say we became best friends.

And then in sixth grade, Martha had to move. Those were some sad days. But, we still keep in touch.

I needed someone else. Someone closer to home to fill the empty space Martha used to be in. Hailey wasn't really that much interested in boys, she was more interested in books, and I'd started having crushes and whatnot so I decided to fill the missing place with someone else. That's how me and my ex-rival Rose became best friends. Okay, so I don't really remember how exactly.