Starting Tonight

Chapter 6

It's been three weeks since I have seen anyone, well other than Sam and Kelly. I got some news right after I got home and have been dealing with it the best that I can. Cory has called and texted me so many times, had Chris and Brandon doing the same thing, but I'm not interested in talking to him right now. Or anyone else for that matter. I really didn't want to talk to Sam or Kelly, but they didn't give me a choice. I still haven't told them why I've been in this mood that I'm in. I haven't told them that I'm pregnant. I've hid it from everyone for seventeen days.

"Andy!" Kelly yelled from the front door of my parents house, "Don't make me climb through the window. You know I'll do it"

"I'm coming," I said as I rolled off the couch and went to unlock the door.

"I don't know what your deal is this past few weeks, but you seriously need to get yourself in check. The guys are coming up to visit," Kelly enlightened me.

"What? Why?" I asked in shock.

"They are worried about you and so are me and Sam. You won't talk to anyone. You need to get out of this funk and get out of the house. Let's go out tonight and have a drink," Kelly suggested.

"I can't," I told her.

"Why not?" she asked me curious as what my answer would be.

"I'm washing my hair," I said as I rolled my eyes.

"That's not a good enough answer. Come on. Get up. Get dressed," Kelly instructed me, "The guys are taking us out tonight."

"I don't want to see any of them," I told her as I walked up the stairs to my bedroom.

"So help me you will get out of this house tonight!" Kelly yelled at me, "I will drag you out by your hair if I have to!"

"Just trust me when I say I can't go out. I can't explain right now. I don't have the words to say it right now," I explained to her the best I could, "Just trust that when I have the words, you will be the first to know."

"You still can't stay in this house forever," Kelly said trying not to give up hope that she would get me out of the house.

"I know, but I need this to be on my terms. Okay?" I told her.

"Okay," Kelly sighed, "I'm going to meet them in town. They're staying with you and Sam. Well, I guess it's really just with Sam since you're here."

"Alright," I said as I sat in the window nook in my bedroom and stared out the window.

I heard Kelly sigh before she left. I hated not telling her, but I just wanted to figure out how to say this first. How do I tell him he's going to be a dad? He didn't ask for this. I didn't even ask for this. I really don't know if I want this, but it don't matter if I want it or not it's happening. I'm going to be a mother. I'm going to be the best mother I can be too. And he'll be a great father. I have faith in that. Even if we aren't in a relationship.

I ended up deciding to get up and get dressed. A day out at the cabin could do me some real good. I left a note for mom staying I was going out on the farm and that I had my phone if she needed anything so she wouldn't worry. I loaded a cooler with sandwiches and some drinks and before I knew it I was on the four-wheeler heading back to the far edge of the farm where the cabin was. Honestly I hadn't been back here in a long time. Probably since Jake came home from the Marine's and I threw him the welcome home party out here with all of our friends.

It was so serene. There was no vehicle noises, no one to give me grief about not talking to anyone in weeks. Just me, the birds, and God. I did some of my best thinking when I was out here by myself. This would give me the chance to figure out how I was going to tell him he was going to be a dad and give him the option to be a part of this child's life or walk away.

That was probably the hardest thing about it all. Knowing that walking away was an option. It wasn't for me. No matter what happens I will become a mother and my whole world will change. My life will no longer be full of spontaneous trips and concerts. It will be full of changing dirty diapers, doctor appointments, babysitters, playdates, and loving someone else more than I love myself or anyone else for that matter.

Would he be able to do that? Would he even want to? Will he be by my side from the second I tell him? Will he run? Will I ever talk to him again? Will he want to be a part of our child's life?

The tears flowed freely for the first time since I found out. There was no one here to hide them from. God knew and the birds sure weren't going to tell anyone. In that moment when I finally let my emotions have the best of myself I tried to convince myself that he wouldn't be the man I knew he could be. I tried to say he wouldn't ever talk to me again. That he would say I was just lying. That there was no way I was pregnant. That he never wanted to see me or our child ever again. That moment all my worst fears about becoming a parent were forced into my mind and it took me over an hour to compose myself.

"He will not desert me or our child. He will accept this child with open arms even if it is unconventional. He will love him or her as much as I will. He will be the best dad ever to our baby," I rehearsed to myself over and over trying to make myself believe it.

I walked around the inside of the cabin all afternoon. I thought and prayed. Thought about how I was going to tell him I was pregnant. Thought about how he would react to the entire situation. Prayed that God would help me come up with the right words to make the blow easier. Prayed that he wouldn't react in a way that made me regret even telling him in the first place. Prayed that no matter what happened that me and the baby would be okay.

I found myself wandering behind the cabin along the stream that ran there. Kicking rocks into it whenever the thought crossed my mind that he would reject the whole situation. Dusk was starting to fall and I knew I needed to be heading back soon or Jake would be heading a search party looking for me. That's when I heard a four-wheeler off in the distance that seemed to be getting closer. I walked back to the cabin and sat on the porch in the cold night air waiting for Jake to arrive, knowing that was who it had to be.

Lights finally appeared in the distance, but they were moving too slow to be Jake. He would be flying through here. He knew the farm as well as I did, like the back of his hand. Who could it be? At this point there's really no telling. Kelly or Sam maybe. They would know how to get here, yet wouldn't be familiar with everything enough to be able to speed through just as night was setting in. Maybe. Just maybe it would be daddy. He never drives fast. He always takes his time so he don't miss something. He's always saying 'If you drive too fast you'll miss something, Andy. You don't want to miss the world that God created. It's here for you to enjoy.'

As they get closer I realize it wasn't Jake, Kelly, or Sam. It wasn't daddy either. It wasn't anyone I expected. It was Cory.

"Why does it have to be Cory? Of all the people it could be why him?" I questioned God.

I felt my heart flutter. I don't know if it was nerves or feelings I had for him coming to light. It was still more than I felt like I could deal with right now. The closer he got the slower he went and the faster my heart fluttered. I couldn't understand why of all people it had to be him. I would rather deal with Jake than Cory at the moment. I couldn't handle how he pressures me into talking about things I wasn't ready to talk about.

I looked up at the clear, moon-lite, sky just before he cut the engine and spoke to God one final time as tears began to fall from my eyes once again, "I wasn't prepared to tell him tonight."

**Authors Note**

 Sorry for the short chapter, but I'll have another up later.