Why Can't This Be Love (A7X/M Shadows Fan Fic)

Chapter Eighteen

*WARNING**SELF HARM**

  I sit with my legs sprawled out,my back against the huge teddy bear as I stare across my room blankly.

  Three days. Three days it's been. If this is what it's gonna be like every time we fight I don't know how much longer I'll be able to handle it.

  He hasn't answered my texts. My calls. Hasn't showed up to my house. I hate it when he does this. I haven't answered any of the others texts. Not even Emma's or Zackys.

  Thoughts consume my brain. Horrible thoughts. A tear falls down from my eye and down my cheek,and another one follows. 

  Even if we do get back together and make up,how much longer are we gonna do this? How many more times are we gonna scream at each other and spend a week apart?

  I pick up my phone,and dial his number. I hesitate right before I hit the call button,but I finally press it.

  "Come on please answer." I whisper as I hold the phone close to my ear and I bite my lip. One ring. Two. Three. Four. Nothing. I set my phone down,and sigh,my hope running out.

  I get off of the bed a few minutes later,as slowly head over to the bathroom. I close the door behind me,and lean on the door with my back,closing my eyes shut.

When I look in the mirror I sigh as I see that my face has makeup smeared all over. I open up the cabinet above my sink,and pull out a fresh razor,and sit on the toilet seat.

I stare down at my wrist,deciding whether or not I want to do this. You ruin everything. You should've just died during surgery. You don't deserve someone like Matt. Voices hiss in my mind and my eyes flood with tears.

I dig the razor blade into my left arm,and drag it across my skin,blood instantly pouring out and over the side of my wrist. I make another. Then another and another as horrible thoughts scream at me.

   I begin on my next arm,and make 7 cuts on it,blood pouring out and I wonder if I should clean them,or let them just bleed out.

  I decide to wash them,and I bite my lip and cry as the pain stings my arms. I put a couple band aids to cover them,and just as I do I hear a knock on my door. My heart about pounds out of my chest. Could it be him?

I throw on my Megadeth sweatshirt,and jog down the stairs,wiping my face with the back of my sleeve. I look out of the window to my door,to see Emma standing on my front porch. Of course it's not him. I sigh and close my eyes as I slowly turn the door knob,and crack open the door.

  As soon as I do though,Emma pushes the door fully open and barges in,dropping her purse onto the floor,he purple hair falling into her face,and she pushes it out of the way in annoyance.

   "Alright first off I have some news to tell you,but before I get to that why the fuck weren't you answering me or Zacky what the hell. And where's Matt?" She says to me as she swings open the fridge and grabs a bottle of Dr Pepper. She takes a couple swigs and sets the bottle down on the counter,and stands there with her hand on her hips and I know she wants me to answer.

  "Alright well me and Matt,we kinda got into a fight. He didn't tell you?" I ask and she raises her eyebrows and shakes her head no.

  "Well yeah I was kind of a bitch to him and he left,three days ago and I still haven't heard a word from him yet." I say sadly,tugging my sleeves,and I find my self being paranoid that she doesn't see them. I bite my lip to hide the pain of the material scraping the ones I didn't cover.

  "He hasn't said anything to you? What an asshole he could at least call you and say where he is,because he hasn't come to mine and Zackys house." She says and I nod and look to the floor. I don't want to talk about Matt anymore right now,so I quickly change the subject.