The bad boy and me (Editing)

6. I don't know what to do anymore

(For clarification she found out on a Monday and this is the Friday after)

I rub my face before getting up and flushing the toilet like usual, always a great way to start the day. I walk over to my basin and wash my face, brushing my teeth as well cause that's nasty. I place my tooth brush on my basin and look at my reflection in the mirror.

I wonder when I'm going to start to show? I really should of paid more attention, when we learnt about this. Maybe another month or two? Hopefully not for a while and by then it'd be winter so I could hide it for a little bit at least. It all just depends if my parents know.

God.

I shake my head, I need to figure out what I'm going to do, when I'm going to tell my parents and Grayson, I mean that's if I even tell him. Cause I don't know what he'll do or if he'll even believe me, and what's the point of telling him if he's not going to be in the kids life?

And there's also like the big thing, like. . . . . If I'm even going to keep the baby, like I wouldn't get an abortion cause even though it's not even born yet it's still a baby, a human. I wouldn't kill it before it got to live, but maybe adoption. Because I'm only seventeen I can't be a mum, I'm still a kid, I don't think I'd be able to do it.

I'm still in high school, I've only just gotten a job, then what about my future, I need to figure out what I want to be and if I want to go to university? Like I don't even know what I want to do with my life.

And what if I keep the baby, could I really handle a baby on top of everything? Like I've never had the typical rebellious years every teen is supposed to have. If I keep the baby though, I probably won't get those years.

I have no idea what to do about. . . . This. I always imagined my future as I graduate high school, with an idea of what I want to do for the rest of my life. Go to university or collage if I want or need to, I'd get new friends well more friends, party have fun, while studying.

Id be living in a dorm and get a part time job that I can use to save up for an apartment, get a boyfriend, finish school move into my apartment then get married and start a family before I'm too old, like before I'm thirty. And I don't exactly want to start at having a kid.

Everything is crazy right now, and it's fucking with me and now I'm getting hormones and cravings and ughhhh, I can't deal with this, can someone take over my life till it's all good again? Cause right now I'm lost.

Slowly I walk back into my room, make I should have a sick day? But then there's always the problem of my mum, she'll just be like, 'oh you're sick let's go to the doctors then.' Which would lead to the doctor asking questions and it's like the quickest way my parents will find out.

And it would be better if they found out from me not a doctor. I lazily look through my wardrobe and pull out some blue denim shorts and a grey thick strapped singlet. I throw them on and slip on some white converse and head back into my bathroom.

I put my hair in a messy bun, but not too messy though, and contemplate putting make up on. Okay I probably should, I put on a little concealer, eyeliner, and mascara, after that I give up and go back into my room.

I grab my phone from my bedside table as well as picking up my bag, slinging that over my shoulder. I hear Ashley talking to mum in the kitchen, she promised she'd give me a ride to and from school today.