Tick Tock (Destiel Soulmate AU)

November 14th, 11:57:32 AM

Trigger warning for references to self harm! If you don't want to read that part, it's actually not that important, don't. I'll put up a thing to show y'all where it starts and ends so who wants to skip it can. 

Cas remembered this. He remembered this. The taste of Dean's mouth and the press of his hands all over him, slipping agonizingly slow up his shirt, Dean's fingers cold as they slid across the bare skin on his back. He couldn't help himself and groaned softly, and Dean smiled into his mouth and pulled back, but Cas didn't let him, leaning forward as Dean pulled away, because he had pulled back for 2 whole months, and he was going to prolong this as long as he could to make up for it.

Dean eventually won, because you could only kiss someone so long, and the Winchester smiled at him with adoration, his eyes crinkling like they always did when he smiled that wide. God, he had missed this. He had missed this so much. How had he convinced himself that he was okay without Dean, that he was doing completely fine and didn't need his soulmate?

Dean's green eyes shone bright and he laughed softly, his eyes darting around every inch of Cas's face as if memorizing, or maybe, taking in. Cas smiled back, cupping Dean's face and kissing him once more lightly before bending his head and pressing one right below the Winchester's ear, making his way down to the end of his neck. Dean squirmed, pushing Cas away with the back of his hand but they ended up falling back on the couch, with Cas straddling Dean.

Reaching out and grabbing a fistful of Cas's shirt, Dean grabbed his soulmate and kissed him again, then again, and again, and again, until Cas was feeling quite breathless even more so than he already was, and pushed away because he needed to say something, get it out so Dean knew.

"Dean," he breathed, taking the other man's face in his hands, and Dean huffed a laugh, resting his arms on Cas's hips, slightly riding up his shirt. "Dean, I'm sorry," Cas felt the familiar feeling of guilt reclaim its way back on his chest, "I'm so sorry."

"Oh, shut up." Dean whispered back, kissing him hard, "just shut up. It's my fault, ok?"

He shook his head fiercely. No, no, this was all his fault, this was all his damn fault, he knew it and Dean knew it and Anna and his parents knew it, he always messed things up goddamnit, and maybe one day again Dean would leave him again, except this time they wouldn't even see each other, this time for good, he would leave him because he would see how he deserved so much more than Cas, everyone did, and-

"Hey," Cas was snapped back-literally-into the real world, "you alright? You kind of looked off into the distance and started panicking." Dean frowned, gesturing down to his arms, which were now wrapped around Cas's waist, "is this a little too fast for you? We can stop anytime we want, yanno."

Cas shook his head again, grimacing and shifting a little, "I just-" he struggled with it, trying to find out the right words, and Dean waited patiently. This was one of the things he loved about Dean. He was rough and a jokester and could be an asshole sometimes, but when it got down to it, he was one of the most sweet and caring person you could meet. "I just, I'm such a mess, Dean. And so much is wrong with me, and I'm sorry for messing it up, messing us up. And...oh Dean, what if something like this happens again? What if you see me as you should and just-"

"I love you, Cas. I love you so damn much. I never stopped loving you, and I never will." Dean took Cas's hand and kissed his palm, putting it on his heart, "I promise you that. "

That certainly stopped him short.

It was the way he said it, so sincere, because Dean never said stuff like that, he had other ways of just showing it, and Cas had never really minded. Cas leaned forward and kissed him again, smiling not with his mouth, but his eyes.