I was feeling so anxious and it was not because of the X-Factor. I had to turn up and sing again there and of course I was nervous, but it hadn't to do only with it that time.
I would see his face again.
He didn't try to contact with me and I hadn't seen him since his party, so today would be the first day after some time to meet his eyes again.
I had missed his smell so bad.
I had missed the way he smiles. His eyes seem like they are smiling, too. I had missed his clumsy hugs and his silly laugh. The most harmonizing sound of my life.
I put on my favourite cologne and I really hoped that he would notice. I had already spent much time to fix up my hair in front of the mirror so I had to hurry up.
When I reached the building I took a deep breath and I entered by the giant door.
There were so many people and he is so tiny that I had to search all around for a while till I notice his perfect face.
My heart totally hurt. I could feel the intensity of my whole body that was shaking by my anger. He was sitting there beside a girl. I couldnt feel my feet and I tightened my hands strongly. She was beautiful with her long black hair and her green eyes, full of piercings and with her gorgeous smile.
Were her eyes more green than mine?
I tried my best to fade away some tears and I put on a small smile as I walked by their side.
"Hi", the girl said gently but it was evident that she wanted me to go away and leave them alone.
I couldn't hide my feelings and I didn't respond. I was waiting Louis to stand up and hug me as he was doing every time we met. But he didn't.
"Can I talk to you for a second?" I murmured and I looked him straight in the eyes. I was ignoring the girl the whole time.
"Not now".
That was an answer I wasn't ready to hear.
"Please, its important", I said by trying to keep calm.
He looked at me with anger and he answered rudely:
"I said no. Can you leave now please? Nobody invited you here".
I was really surprised when I heard him talking to me that way. He wasn't the type of person who would talk like this. I knew that he was kind with everyone. Why did he behave like that?
I walked immideatly till the bathroom and I hit the sink without thinking, with so much force that my hand hurt.
I just couldn't stop my tears as I sat to the ground by resting my back in the wall.
What the hell happened to him?
My sadness was replaced with anger. I hadnt done anything wrong and I hadnt misbehaved. He was the one who talked by that way to me without explanation.
But the most painful thought was that he wasn't feeling the same. I knew that it was so difficult to make him feel the way I feel everytime with him. I knew that I was the one that wanted so much to touch his lips. The one who wanted so much to become his little hero. The one who would do anything just to gain a kiss from him. Just to make him smile. The one that would travel oceans just to see him smiling.
I hadnt any idea why I loved this lil boy so much, why I had lost my mind.
I knew that it wasn't easy to make him love me like I do, but I had belief. Now everything has been ruined.
After some minutes I decided to go outside, but my eyes were red when I looked myself in the mirror and I had already washed my face several times.
When I walked out I almost felt on him. He didn't even look at me but I wanted to discover why. Why was he behaving like nothing had happened between us.
"I want to talk to you. Now". My voice was more severe than I wanted.
He walked reluctalny in front of me and I followed him in the balcony.
We were keeping staring at each other for some time and I couldnt find out how he was feeling. His glance was totally blank. But then, Ι opened my mouth first.
"Why are you ignoring me?", I asked by trying to keep my patience.
"I don't", he said calmly.
"Yes, you are. And you talked to me that rude, I want to know why".
"I talked to you the same as always, nothing has happened. Can I go to the bathroom now?"
"Stop talking bullshit, tell me why now", I had lost my patience but now he lost his little smile, too.
"By the time you turned up in my life everything has collapsed! That's why! What the hell do you want from me?", his face turned to red and he was shouting with all the power of his voice. I was just speechless by his attitude, I didn't know what to say. Hopefully, nobody was around, because he was making so much voice.
As I saw him in that situation and I could say that he frightened me a bit.
"Tell me! You are so fucking in love with me and you get on my nerves, I am fucking straight deal with it and stop the whole thing".
Tears had started filling my face and my heart was beating so fast, I couldnt control my feelings as I started crying hard.
Without thinking the words came out my mouth:
"Yes, I am deeply in love with you Louis. You are all I ever wanted and I am thinking of you every fucking second of my day, I adore every little thing of you and I have never felt again the same as I feel now", I murmered and I looked at the ground.
I had finally admitted my feelings to him and I was relieved. But I was too afraid to hear his answer. I didn't expect to express how I was feeling, but I did. And now I couldn't take my words back.
"Sorry, but I don't feel the same". His voice was so straight that broke me down.
I started shouting loudly and the tears couldn't stop falling:
"You are a liar! I have seen how your breath stops every time I enter to a room, how you stare at me every time you think that I don't notice".
His characteristics got angrier and I didn't understand how he pushed me strongly in the wall.
"Who do you think you are? I don't wanna see you again, you are nothing to me, understand it, I don't feel anything for you".
He left by the door and he disappeared in the crowded place by leaving me in the cold ground.
