(from my blog) https://www.tumblr.com/blog/killyourdarlingsformeandyou
I don't think you come to ever fully appreciate how long it took for the author of your favorite book to pick the font that book was printed in. That is until you do it yourself.
I don't think I've ever come close to writing a book, nowhere close. Just imagine though, it took me over 20 minutes trying out every single font available for this blog's title. now imagine the weight of the decision of what thousands of words, compared to those few for the title, will look like for eternity, once it's been printed.
I'd just drive myself mad to the point where I would decide not to print the book at all. at least here, on this blog, I can change the font any number of times I'd like to (which I will). it's probably the reason I've decided to post this online and not save this on my computer like I normally would, besides the fear of my work ( I say work when you know I mean stream of consciousness) being found.
I say normally like this is the usual for me; grabbing the keyboard, my book, something to chew on, plugging in my headphones to listen to anything but chatter and silence, typing my train of thought on to the dauntingly blank screen. This is not "normally", this wouldn't even be considered an "occasionally".
I've done writing in the past but it never stuck. If I ever imagined anything I thought was worth recording somewhere, I'd never write it down, out of the fear of not doing it justice. whether it be the description or the actual transition of thought to written word; I would fear the words being lost in transit. All I ever do is imagine the movie in my head and assign the roles to people I've seen, met, or come across so far in my life.
And in that mental movie I've thought of a soundtrack, sometimes of my own creation, but mostly from songs already brought in to the world by those minds more creative than mine. I read somewhere the first song you listen to in the morning will determine the rest of your day. I don't know if I agree or not with that. Sometimes its the truest truth I've read in this lifetime. Other times I think the song will change, with every new emotion comes a new song. Slowly but surely creating the soundtrack of your life.
I mentioned earlier one of the reasons writing never stuck was the fear of it being found and yet, here I am, posting on a blog for the world to see. The truth is I think the fear of being found is just a fear of my parents or sibling finding this. I just can't stomach the idea of people I've encountered personally knowing and tracking my thought process.
When I started typing this thirty minutes ago I said I would only take five minutes. I really should go know and just come back after dinner. It just feels like if I leave this for too long, even a couple minutes, I would lose the rhythm. this non existent rhythm that only exists in my head of drizzling my thought on to this screen. This rhythm, once started, can't be stopped. This rhythm, once started, has fabricated itself into a real thing. I guess it's time to stop the rhythm. Stop the fabrication of something priceless to me. Good bye and I honestly hope to make another visit.
