Impulse - Phan (discontinued)

chapter two - dan

chapter two - dan

I get into mum's car, sitting my backpack on my lap. I look out the window into the road, resting my head on my hand. I bring the hand not holding my head to knock against the interior of the car door. I knock three times, wait a moment, three times again, wait another moment, then thrice again. I release a breath of air I wasn't aware I was holding and mum reaches the after I lay my hand back on my backpack.

"Dan did you take your medicine?" I roll my eyes at her snapping my fingers four times.

"No." I say, annoyed with her looking back out the window.

"Well that's why I brought it with me." She holds out a water bottle and two pills. 

"Mum. It doesn't help." I scrunch up my face involuntarily. Earning an exasperated sigh from her.

"Just take them. They cost a lot honey." I freeze, we were tight on money because of the medicine and therapy. I silently take the bottle and pills, swallowing them without further protest. 

I tic again, letting out a noise like a 'hep', causing my mother to cast me a worried glance. I look down at my backpack. Mum more or less accepts the fact that I have Tourettes. It just bothers her, I think it annoys her, when I tic verbally. Thankfully the majority of my tics are motor oriented.

I move my fingers around. There is a few minute pause. I roll my shoulder. Another pause. I tilt my head quickly to the right. It's happening more because it's the first day of school. Anxiety makes it worse. I hum a note twice then above it then below the first. I repeat it twice more. 

Mum looks at me again. 

I nod furiously for a few moments. I'm having a tic attack, they happen sometimes at random, but mostly when I'm nervous. I think of my room. It's full of science related things, I have a model of molecules and a number of textbooks. In the corner I have a table where I can perform simple experiments. 

Tourettes goes away when I'm working on science. I become so engrossed in what I'm doing, the tics become rare. It happens when I read too, that's why I always have two books in my backpack. One in case I finish the other and I need to be quiet. I move my head forward and to the right, humming as I do. I don't tic this much on a regular basis, and I sort of wish it was the middle of the year instead of the first day.

We arrive at school. I hike up my backpack, bid my mum goodbye, going to the office. At the beginning of the year I have to check in with the nurse, telling her what medicines I take. I try to meld into the crowd, but am pushed to the edge quickly. I get to the office right before the buses pull in.

I walk to the back where the nurse is. She welcomes me in.

"Hi Dan!" She smiles warmly. I knock thrice with a fist against my leg, she's used to me doing this and calmly waits for me to finish the ritual. 

"Hi Ms. S." She asks me a few questions to which I answer. She tells me I can leave, but as I leave I jerk my head to the left, causing me to stumble, leaving me to bump into the door frame. I scowl, annoyed with everything at the moment, but equally terrified at the thought of going to my first period. I shove past a black haired new kid as I exit the office.

I head to my first class, history, with a man named Mr. Sullivan. 

I sit near the middle, with my last name starting with H, knock my thirds on the desk, and listen as he begins to talk about himself and the syllabus. I'll hear a lot about syllabus' today. I tilt my head to the side, apparently all of my teachers have been informed of my condition. 

The class goes slowly, I'm half listening, I'm too preoccupied with the thought of science next period. Mr. Sullivan talks about how he likes to go snowboarding and then about the history we'll learn over the course of the year to come. 

He gives us the end of class to ourselves. I think about getting out a book to read, but I think better of it. I look around the class, a bunch of kids I've known since before school started, but none of them my friends. I mean, I knew all of them, but none of them cared enough to know me, know me. Which kind of sucks.

The bell rings loudly. I jump up and walk as quick as I can to science. I go in and sit in the back of the dim classroom. I bring out a book, knowing from older kids that this guy is known to drone on. Mr. Lyon closes the door and struggles with a black and white power point for about five minutes until someone walks in. 

It's the black haired kid from the office. Mr. Lyon quarrels with him about a hall pass before letting him drift back to sit next to me. He insists of everyone standing up and introducing themselves, I space out. I bring my book  up from my lap, attempting to read it. It's dark so it's difficult, but it makes it something more for my brain to concentrate on.

I move my fingers, the one of easiest of my tics to do quietly. The introductions are slow and boring, more so because I've known of each of them since they first marched into school. I wiggle my nose and fight the urge to bring my head up violently like an impatient horse, instead, I tap my foot, and look to the right. The line is approaching me, I quickly set down my book. I stand up slowly, self-conscious. I blink quickly and clear my throat, two simple tics that could be considered normal. 

"Hi. My name is Dan Howell-" I feel the urge to clap build in my chest and bring up my hands to clap twice. The kids laugh at me. I need to finish. "I really like science." I grimace and my fingers dance intricately again as I sit. The black haired boy stands and speaks.

"Hi. I'm Phil Lester. I just moved here." He shrugs, sparking my interest. Could it be a tic? He sits down and there is silence. I click my tongue a few times, more kids snicker and sneer. Phil, as I now know his name, leans back in his chair. I roll my shoulder back once, twice, then relax slightly, moving my fingers back and forth, in and out. 

Mr. Lyon hands out a syllabus to each line of tables, we eventually receive a copy. I hum as quietly as I can, writing physics formulas in the margin of the paper. I realize with an unhappy jolt that I never knocked when I came in the class. I swallow hard, wrinkling up my nose, and knocking on the bottom of the desk.

"Alright class, I know that this is the first day, but if we're going to get to chemistry and more advanced physics and experiments involving a bit of egg dropping from the roof and some setting things on fire, we're going to have to do a few experiments out of school.

"I hope you sat near people you like because they are your partners. You are going to build an instrument called an inclinometer. If you aren't sure what it is, look it up in your textbooks. You will construct one and then bring it in and we'll test it in class." Mr. Lyon is at the front of the class. He waves us off to talk to our partners.

"So should we start at my place or yours?" Phil asks, adjusting himself to look at me straight on.

"My place." I have the perfect place to work. I feel a tic start to build uncomfortably in my chest. I yelp, releasing the tension.

"When should we start?" The boy across from me ignores what happened.

"Tomorrow or tonight I guess." I shrug, it's a real shrug, not a tic. He contemplates it in his mind for a minute.

"I know it's the first day of school and everything, but I have a thing after school tomorrow, tonight?" He asks innocently. I rip a corner off of the syllabus, I bring my pencil up, rolling my head clockwise as I write my phone number. The bell rings before I can ask for his, and we both exit the classroom. 

A/N

Again, please don't hesitate to comment about how I incorrectly (or hopefully correctly) portray TS. It was hard to write this. I've done so much research on TS for this so far oh my gosh. So many technically worded papers. Anyway, I hope you liked reading this!

- Kenz

1/26/16

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