Impulse - Phan (discontinued)

chapter six - dan

chapter six - dan

I glare at mum in the car. She's driving silently with a pinched expression. She's angry, I'm angry. Why is she angry? He just suggested a different medicine! That's nothing to be mad about! I turn and glare out the window. I've been fighting off tics since I got in the car, we're almost home. She's running to the store after we get home. We drive through a thick bunch of trees, allowing me to see my face in the window. I'm blinking non-stop. 

I don't try to change it though. If I try to stop this it's manifest itself elsewhere and I'd rather be blinking than yelping or turning my head around making mum more frustrated. I roll my eyes multiple times. She pulls up to the curb and I get out silently. 

I stride to the door as she drives away. I pull open the door and walk up the steps, ripping open my bedroom door. I lay on the bed, motionless. I click my tongue and get up, opening my bedroom door and rushing down the stairs. At the inside of the front door I knock, going back up the stairs I knock at my door before entering again. 

I lay back on the bed again. I glance at the clock. I haven't had dinner but I'm not hungry. I take off my clothes and put on sweatpants and an old shirt. Mum is only going to the store to get away. Get away from me I guess. I can be pretty annoying with my tics when she's trying to work. Which is most of the time. 

It's late and I'm tired and borderline furious  and annoyed with mum and myself and I have school tomorrow so I decide to go to bed. I get in bed and look out the window above my bed. 

***

I think about riding the bus for the first time in three years. I could ride it and not drive with mum. I almost decide I will until I get through breakfast without mum pestering me about taking medicine. I grab my backpack with a grim face clapping five times in my room briefly. I descend the stairs, meeting mum at the front door.

We both walk in silence to the car, I almost forget about what happened yesterday. Almost. I sit in the car and bang my fist against my thigh. Mum glances at my fist, out the windshield, then at me. She sighs and I look at her confused. I want to ask her what's wrong but I feel shy. I never feel shy with mum. I force myself to talk.

"What's wrong?" It's not even a question. It's more of a statement. What could possibly be bother her. I'm the one who should be, who is, mad. 

"You." I'm taken aback and almost gasp at her. "You're acting like it's my fault." 

"It-It is! You won't get the new medicine for me! This medicine doesn't work!" I exclaim. 

"It does. I'm your mother I know how you act. It works." She says.

"No! I'm the one with Tourette's! I should know when medicine works or not! It doesn't!" Can I just be in school already. That's something I never thought I would think. 

"Honey. It can't get you new medicine." 

"Why?" I snap my neck up to the left. I clap once. Roll my neck up and grimace, then clap another time. Then quickly three times. We're nearing school. "You no what, no. Don't tell me. I don't want to know." I unlock the door and unbuckle my seatbelt before we stop, slinging my backpack over my shoulder and getting out as soon as we halt. 

I head to Mr. Sullivan's room. There's a sub. Great. The class is quiet as the substitute talks about current events and how they correspond to past events and things like that. Halfway through the class I click my tongue. The sub shoots me a warning glance. Towards the end I do what happened in the car. The bell rings, but when I try to leave the sub asks me to stay for a moment.

"Mr. Howell?" I look over. 

"Yes?" I walk over. I want to get to science and sit quietly with Phil. 

"Would you care to explain your outbursts in class?" I nod upward involuntarily. 

"Uh.. well I have Tourette's." I say, my face getting hot. The substitute blooms pink also.

"Oh, oh I'm sorry." They say. "You can go." I do. I walk briskly to science, entering right before the bell. I sit down and bring out a book and try to read the print in the dark. I breath a sigh of relief. Mr. Lyon is working with a powerpoint and struggling. Phil pokes my shoulder. I look over at him.

"What's wrong?" He's whispering. 

"Nothings wrong." I turn back to the book. Just drop it. 

"That's a blatant lie." I glance at him. Is my face really that telling? It didn't used to be. "What's wrong?" He asks again. 

"Nothing's wrong. Stop worrying." My head nods up like it did with the substitute. This wouldn't be happening if mum had just agreed to the medicine. 

"Dan." His voice is too serious. Why is it so serious?

"Phil." My voice matches his. 

"What's wrong?" I sigh. Why couldn't he have just dropped it? I don't want to talk about it!

"My therapist recommended I get a new medicine and my mum didn't listen so I'm annoyed because the medicine I'm on now doesn't help." I glare at my book. "Happy now?" 

"Why didn't your mum listen? What therapist? Medicine? I'm missing things here." I sigh again. See? I didn't want to tell him. I was waiting. 

"Cognitive Behavioral Therapist. Once a week on Thursdays, hence I can't work then. Medicine. I do take Haldol but my therapist suggested Orap because I complained about Haldol not working. I don't know why mum didn't listen- if I did, I'd probably be properly medicated by now." 

"Oh." See this leaves me with an awkward situation. I was trying to avoid it. 

 "They might just need to change my dosage of Haldol but I honestly don't know. Can we just get back to science?" I'm whining. It sounds like I'm whining. Can I just go home? I need to apologize to mum and ask why she didn't get the medicine. This isn't a bad day. Just an unfortunate chain of events, like that book series. 

It's not a bad day. I keep telling myself that. Believe me, I'll know when it's a bad day. This is not one. 

The bell rings and I get up to go. 

A/N

I tried to write a better ending for this but just stared at it for twenty minutes and watched PJ Dan and Phil's new video Snake Oil. omg it's so funny go watch it yay maybe comment something because I have zero comments oh

1/29/15

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