PRETTY LIES || Carl Gallagher

Not The Truth

My head spun with ways to avoid the real reason why I hadn't gone to visit Carl while he was away. As we lay side by side in his bed a wave of guilt rushed over me. It's not like I had cheated on him, but the fact that when we kissed and I didn't feel anything made me feel bad. Carl had fallen asleep long ago, but I was still up. He shifted around so he was facing me. I didn't move, still staring up at the ceiling. "Why are you still up?" Carl questioned, rubbing his eyes. I glanced over at him.

 "I thought you were asleep?" I questioned back. He smirked and moved so his arm was around my torso. 

"You know I can't sleep when my girl can't sleep." I cracked a smile and lay my head on his chest. We layed in silence for a while before he spoke up. "Grace, why didn't you ever come visit me?" I racked my brain for a acceptable answer, but nothing worked. 

"I don't know." I whispered.

"You had to have some reason."

"Carl, please I don't know." I stated. His face twisted into a sour expression. 

"Well sorry for wondering why my girlfriend  didn't come visit me while I was in juvie." Carl then flipped back around facing the wall. I knew he should be given an answer, but I didn't want to tell him the real one. Tears welled up in my eyes and my vision was becoming blurry. I quickly tried to stop them coming, but it was no use. I got out of bed and headed down stairs to get a glass of water to try to calm myself down. Sitting down at the kitchen table my eyes wondered aimlessly around the room until they landed on picture stuck on the front of the fridge. I got up to look at it better. It was a picture of Carl and me from over the summer. The Gallaghers had thrown a 4th of July party and Carl and I had some sparklers and drew a heart and were kissing. I had no idea how I hadn't seen this picture early today, but I was wishing I hadn't now. The tears the had almost disappeared had made their way back and I don't think there is a way to stop them now. 

This summer was such a happier time, well as happy as it could get. There was no doubt that I missed those times more than you could even fathom. I slid down the front of the fridge, tucking my knees into my chest and holding the picture in my hands. Sobs racked my whole body and I didn't even try to contain them. I'd been holding back these tears for too long. I sat there on the cold vinyl floor for what seemed like hours, but in reality it was only thirty minutes. My butt was finally getting sore and uncomfortably cold, so I went over to the couch and layed down. I still had the picture grasped in my hands and fell asleep with it still in my hands. 

I awoke with an excruciating pain in my neck. I then remembered I hadn't slept in Carl's bed last night and on the couch instead. I sat up, rubbing my neck and was startled by a voice. "Sleep well?" I looked towards the kitchen to see Carl leaning against the archway frame.  

"Not really." I admitted. He strutted over to me and plopped down next to me. 

"Me either." He replied. My eyes landed on coffee table which had the picture of Carl and I on it. Carl noticed me looking at and reached up to take it. He leaned back and looked at the picture. "Huh, seems like this was taken just yesterday. Do you remember this day?" He questioned. I then leaned back and moved closer to Carl. 

"How could I forget." I said. 

"It was probably the best day of my life so far." 

"Me too." I said, looking at his face. His was still on the picture. I took in all his features, noticing every little detail. He looked a lot older than he did six months ago. 

"A lot has happened si-" He stopped talking when he noticed I was staring at him. My cheeks flushed with heat and I turned away. "Awe babe, don't be embarrassed." He said, pulling me into him.  I wrapped my arms around his waist, it was a force of habit and honestly I missed it. I hadn't noticed until now how much I actually missed him. The way he smelt, the way he held me, the way he kissed me, everything. I leaned my head on his chest. 

"I wasn't embarrassed Carl. Anyway what were you saying?"

"If you say so. I was saying that a lot had happened since then." He stated, rubbing my back. He was right a lot had happened since then. He had gotten arrested and was thrown in juvie for six months. A lot has changed also. For example I don't know how I really feel about Carl anymore. He still has those things about him that reel me back in. The things that remind of before he got arrested, but there are also the things that remind me of now of how different things are. There is no denying that Carl has changed, for better or worse I may never find out. 

"Yeah, but a lot has changed too Carl."