stuck inside ; phan [ completed ]

five

❝ sometimes

it's better to dance in the rain

than to forget it's there. ❞

╰☆╮

phil was sick of waiting for dan to wake up. as horrible as that sounded, it didn't mean he would wait for another thousand years; it meant that although he wasn't religious, he prayed that dan would wake up soon. he didn't even care if he didn't remember phil at this point. he just wanted to know dan was alright.

it had been another two months, and dan would have to wake up within the next three weeks or else they would pull him from life support. phil wouldn't be able to stand for that. he wouldn't be able to go on, as cliche as that sounded. phil always was one for sickly sweet cliche movies, and all he could think right now was the vow. he had watched more than two dozen times since dan's accident, hoping he wouldn't end up like leo. he hoped desperately that dan wouldn't end up like paige.

phil fell asleep most nights in the hospital. it was something he couldn't help, of course, as he was there almost twenty four seven at this point. his dreams were haunted with what if?'s and dark pictures of things that could go horribly wrong. he dreamed that dan woke up and couldn't remember anything. some nights were better; he dreamed dan had woken up and remembered everything. sometimes, on worse nights, he would dream that dan never woke up. waking up was the best phil could hope for.

╰☆╮

dan was tired is his world.

he wanted to join phil.

he could remember now -

he remembered every bit.

memories leaked into his mind;

flour fights in the kitchen

and paint fights in the yard.

kissing on the couch

and behind closed doors

and in front of their friends.

singing songs at the top of their lungs

and dancing at midnight,

to music only they could hear.

worst of all,

he could remember the accident that caused him to leave phil.

he remembered the last text he sent to phil.

i'll come home safe,

i promise.

he never did.

╰☆╮

phil didn't know what to do anymore; not that he had in the first place, just months ago when dan got in his accident. at first, he was wreck (not that he wasn't still - he was just less of a wreck now). he couldn't eat or sleep, and he would stay at the hospital, never returning home. he couldn't face the photos of the two of them celebrating with friends, of even just them together. on every wall there were clothes lines, with little clips holding polaroids. it was just how the two were; they each took photos and videos constantly, if only to prove the phrase take a picture, it lasts longer. in some rooms, there were framed photos of the two of them, and on the fridge there were even more pictures, capturing happy moments in time.

when the nurses finally told him he really should go home, and he finally agreed, he barely kept himself together. in the pictures on the walls, dan was alive and happy. in the hospital bed, dan seemed lifeless and fragile. he finally broke down in the shower, salty tears mixed with steaming water. sobs racked his body, and he pounded the walls until his knuckles bled. why did this happen to dan? why did the world want to take him away? phil stayed in the shower until his skin was numb to the steaming water and his knuckles were too sore to move.

he bandaged his raw hands and put on a fresh pair of clothes. he ate some food, and took a nap on dan's side of the bed. his pillow smelled like him, as did the hoodie he threw over his shirt, which was dan's. after he woke up, he drove himself back to the hospital and sat back in the seat next to dan's bed. he started to feel as numb as his knuckles after that; later on he realized sometimes it's better to feel pain than nothing at all.

╰☆╮

sometimes,

dan wondered if he could wake himself up.

he wondered if he could force himself awake.

this stupid coma was really getting to him;

he just wanted to wake up.

why was that

too much to ask?

he could sense how much phil was hurting

by the way he gripped onto dan's hand,

as if he was in need of a lifeline instead of dan.

he used to always tell when phil was stressed

by the way he held his hand.

somehow, it was worse remembering

all these small details

of how things were

when dan was truly living.

pain is magnified

when it is given attention.

╰☆╮

there wasn't much phil could do with his days now. he  was stuck in a painful routine; spend the day at the hospital, go home around noon to shower and eat, go back to the hospital, repeat. he was used to this routine, and it brought him some sort of twisted comfort to know he always had somewhere to be.

he always returned to the hospital bed, because he wanted to be the first thing dan saw when he woke up. he wanted to be there when his eyelids finally fluttered open, like they used to do when he would wake up. he wanted to hear his voice again, like just months ago. he wanted t-

"ph-phil..?" he heard a small voice, and for a second it sounded like dan's. he thought he was imagining things until he heard it again. "ph-phil..?" he turned to look down at dan, and he smiled like a mad man. dan's eyes were open he was smiling and best of all he remembered phil, and phil would be able to propose and they wouldn't end up like leo and paige from the vow and his thoughts were all jumbled but he was just so happy dan was finally awake.

"dan you're awake! oh god you're awake," he mumbled kissing dan's face repeatedly. dan giggled and phil could only relish the sound. "phil?" dan asked. "yes dan?" phil replied. "i love you. also, where can i get some food? i'm starving," he stated. phil laughed and kissed dan's forehead once more before replying "i love you too. and also, we should probably let someone know you've woken up before we get you food," he chuckled, and dan grinned.

(a/n)

word count ; 1075

it's over. i hope this wasn't horrible and the judges like it ;)