Flannel Shirts and Tangled Hair

I Feel...

      I stared down at my lunch, consisting of Sprite, Hot Cheetos, strawberries, and a banana. Because the life of a vegetarian is so interesting. I'm sitting alone, waiting for Katie to get her food and sit down so I don't look as awkward as I already am.

      Katie is my best friend. Gay as hell, just like me, in love with Kristen Stewart, and has an addiction to caffeine. Yeah that's it.

      I sip my Sprite and turn around to see her. Olivia is sitting, back towards me, talking with some of her basketball friends. Her fingers are running through her hair, making sure there are no tangles in it. I remember the feeling of running my fingers through her hair. Something I always wanted to do. Something I will never forget for the rest of my life.

      I continue to stare at her, not really caring if anyone saw me. It's not like it's a surprise that I'm gay, neither is it that I have an incredibly large crush on her.

      Just as I pop a strawberry in my mouth Katie sits down right beside me, causing me to choke. Of course. Of fucking course.

      As she laughs at my coughing, sputtering mishap, I glare at her.

      "What the fuck dude?" I say, motioning to myself. She just laughs.

      "Well it's not my fault you didn't notice me. You were too busy doing what?" She asks, tapping her chin and looking into space thoughtfully, "Oh yeah, staring at Olivia." She finishes with the most dead stare ever.

      I roll my eyes as I feel my face blushing, trying to play it off. 'Why did I tell her? What good came from that?' I thought, playing with the sleeve of my sweater. Oh yeah. Not getting interrogated for the rest of my life.

      "Addilyn, you've been pining over her for I don't know how long. Why don't you just talk to her? It's not that hard. I promise." Katie says, staring at me with the most stern face ever.

      "You don't understand. I can't!" I say defiantly. Not anymore at least.

      She rolls her eyes, but as soon as some of our other friends sits down, she drops the conversation. Thank god. I was not in the mood for that.

      I hear Olivia laugh again and, as if on instinct, I look over to her. Is that her mating call or something? Jesus Christ.

     When I look over I'm met with disappointment. Olivia is talking to some guy, Matt I think? She's laughing at something he says and blinks up at him with wide eyes. Her right index finger is playing with a strand of hair across her cheek.

      I glare daggers into Matt's back for the rest of the lunch period. As soon as the bell rings, I stand up, throw my food away and leave the commons. I'm not sure how much longer I can take her looking at him like that.

      I feel sick, disgusted, and most of all:

      Heartbroken.