Cataclysm (Sequel to Wanderlust) (Kellic)

Chapter 12

Chapter 12 - The Feelings That We Hide

The drive is terribly long, but we eventually make it to a hotel in Albuquerque by early evening. Once we're settled into our room, Kellin books our hot air balloon flight for tomorrow morning, makes reservations for the horse-riding place for the day after tomorrow, and then suggests that we order room service. I'm on board with that—we're both too worn out to want to do much of anything.

Kellin seems to be doing a decent job of forgetting that our kiss ever happened, but sometimes the memory of it just flashes unexpectedly through my mind, and I'm forced to push it away; I can't afford to be thinking like that. Still, the surprising lack of tension between us, the strangely friendly way that we interact, brings back memories of before, when we sang "Alone Together" and the city lights felt like they were shining just for us. The parallels are almost undeniable, and I can't help but wonder if that was Bree's plan all along.

We spend the evening chilling out, either talking or just doing our own thing. At some point, Kellin starts playing with the TV remote, changing the channel every five minutes. He can't seem to be able to find anything worth his attention until he stumbles upon something that I don't recognize.

"Holy shit, we're totally watching this," he says definitively, excitedly sitting up and increasing the volume. "Well, you don't have to, but I am, so don't complain. And don't make fun of me."

I raise an eyebrow, propping my head on my elbow as I'm lying on my bed. "Why would I make fun of you? What even is this?" All I can tell so far is that Gerard Butler is in it, and his character is currently arguing with a woman, who I guess is his partner, probably.

"It's at the very beginning," Kellin says, his face heating up a little bit. "It's, um—God, this is so embarrassing," he mumbles, trying to hide a smile and covering his face with his hands. "It's P.S. I Love You, okay? It's, like, your standard straight white romance drama film, basically, except it's kind of different because the main love interest dies of a brain tumor within the first twenty minutes."

With that, he starts talking animatedly, quickly describing the plot of the movie, which involves Gerard Butler's character dying and his wife receiving letters from him that he'd planned to have delivered to her after his death, each one prompting her to go on an adventure of some sort. "Oh—Lisa Kudrow's in it, too," he finishes. "Y'know. Phoebe from Friends. So if you weren't already sold, then you definitely are now."

I try to pay attention to the movie, but I'm paying more attention to Kellin's commentary about the movie; the way he eagerly describes everything, the way he cringes at embarrassing scenes and cheers at heartfelt ones. "I love it," he says near the end with wide-eyed passion, "because it's a romance, but it's all sort of about her taking back her life and finding herself, and maybe one day she'll fall in love again. I mean, we don't actually really see that part happen, but there's that hope there." He shrugs. "I just like it. I don't know. Like I said, don't make fun of me. I like a nice, slightly cheesy romance film every once in a while."

As I'm listening to him and watching him, it strikes me, the deeper reason behind his love of this seemingly random movie: he lost someone, too—his old boyfriend, Jordan, who died of illness a few years ago. He identifies with the grief, the feeling of being lost, the odd and wonderful hope of being able to let go and fall for someone new. Then I can't help but think, observing the excited and almost childlike glint in his eyes as he talks, that I am catching glimpses of who Kellin used to be—of who Kellin might still be, a little bit, buried beneath the hostility and the pain.

—

We wake up early again and head off to the place where we'll be taking our sunrise balloon ride, snacking on PopTarts on the way as our breakfast. Kellin is antsy and anxiously talkative, constantly asking me whether or not I think the balloon company is trustworthy or how high up I think we'll go. I assure him that the company is most likely very trustworthy, considering how popular it seems to be, and I tell him that we're probably going to be fairly high up in the air but that he won't fall if I can help it. This doesn't do much to calm him down (not that I expected it to), but he still smiles nervously and looks like he's trying.