Chapter 16: Can't find the right words

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Recap Zayn’s Pov

“Zoe, Zoe love wake up” I whispered.

Her eyes flew open and she stared directly into mine. I gave her a weak smile. But I wasn’t expecting one in return, I knew she was scared. I wanted to know what was going on in her head. What she thinks about me. What she thinks about the guys, what she thinks about everything.

Her eyes trailed off to the blankets from the bed where she was laying on top of.

I mentally picked up all my thoughts and ordered them. Making sure that I wouldn’t be saying things that would end in confusion or something.

I slowly placed my hand under her chin and forced it up till her eyes made contact with mine.

“Time to talk”

Zayn’s Pov

She gulped. Was she really nervous? Shouldn’t I be the one who is supposed to be nervous?

“w-what about?” she stuttered. I mentally sighed to myself. In some way I think it’s amazingly cute when she stutters but on the other side it makes me feel sad because it is because she is scared, of me.

I smiled at her.

“us”

 “u-us?” she asked confused, repeating after me. I slowly nodded, but not breaking my eyes away from her face, wanting to see every emotion on her face.

“If that’s okay with you?” I asked, trying not to rush things too fast. She looked a bit scared but nodded her head faintly.

I sat down on the bed next to her, she straightened up a bit, probably at the fact that I was sitting very close to her. Did that made her feel uncomfortable? What if she really doesn’t like me back? What if she hates me after this? What if she doesn’t even want to be my friend anymore? What if- no! I can’t back away anymore. I came to tell her so I’ll tell her.

I waited for her to say something, one part of me was hoping for her to say ‘no’, so that I didn’t have to tell her now, but the other part is telling me that I have to do it someday and it’s better to do it now before it gets too deep.

After a while I knew she wasn’t going to say anything so I started talking again.

“Zoe I-“ I cut myself off in the middle of my sentence. I can’t do this. I don’t think I would be able to live with myself if I make her hate me after I say this.

You can call me a wimp or whatever, but I just couldn’t find the right words to say to her.

“I’m sorry” I said to her before getting up from the bed and running out the room. I closed the door behind me. I groaned. That was the most stupidest things I have ever done in my entire life.

I hate myself for doing this. I just left her there, completely confused, probably terrified, not knowing what just had happened. I wanted to scream.

Why? Why couldn’t I just tell her?

“Zayn?” I heard Louis’ voice calling out for me in confusion. I looked up to where the sound came from to show louis standing there in the other side of the hallway.  I groaned, what was he doing here? 

He started to walk towards me.

“zayn what are you doing here outside?” he asked confused. I didn’t answer and just kept looking down to my lap.

“did your little princes kick ya out” he joked. That made me look up at him and he immediately shut his mouth when his eyes met mine.

He kneeled down beside me.

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