[OliverSykes] The Only Way I'll Really Smile

Four.

I knew that life was tough. The two of us, we were bullied, I remember that. We would come home with bruises and blame it on something stupid like tripping on the stairs. They never believed it, our parents, but they would never really press for the truth. There was nothing they could do, and we all knew that. The bullies knew that, too. Nothing would be done in England. Maybe in America, which is part of the reason my family moved. I'm wasn’t stupid; I knew that my parents became increasingly worried about how I would never want to go outside and school became a living hell for me.

People think that Oliver was always doing drugs and sleeping around, from an extremely young age. I left England in what would be after my freshman year according to schooling in the States, and before that he was never doing any of that. His mental, he wasn’t, he wasn’t always happy with his life. There were a few times that I would tell him again and again that he was worth it.

When I left, I guess I was worried about what he would do to himself. It occurred to me a few times to look him up once I heard that he was famous. That would be weird and I knew it. But, I did it anyway. I shouldn’t have. At that point, I started to hate him. Not him, really, I didn’t hate him, I don’t think that I ever could. But, I hate who he became. The Oliver I knew would never do drugs and drink and treat women the way he has been. Or did. Apparently he’s been having a string of serious relationships. Good for him. Whatever.

I don’t care what he does with his life. He cut me out of his. And I'm not going to help him with it. But to be drunk this early when he has a job to do, I just, it’s not okay. That’s not how someone should go through life. That’s how someone dies early, which I guess is what he wants but I don’t want that for him. I can guarantee that all of his fans don’t want him to die, because they all probably look up to him because to him he’s perfect. Asshole. Doesn’t talk to his best friend but drunkenly bumps into her without even remembering who she is.

I mean who does that. A jerk does that. He’s a jerk. A drunken jerk. He’s probably high, too. Oh my god, that’s how you die. That’s how people die. When they start mixing and that’s exactly what he’s doing. What a stupid moron, I swear.

“All I know is that he’s going to be fine by the time he gets on stage. This has been happening the entire tour. It’s impressive how he sobers up when he has to.” Austin’s words don’t comfort me, at all. I really don’t want to think about how much he drinks. I don’t really want to know that he has so much tolerance for all of these disgusting habits.

Shaking my head, I bite down on my lower lip. “Bailey, I'm going to get going. I forgot how much I have to grade by tomorrow night. Grades are in.”

I can’t be around this. I can’t be around him. I can’t be around his self-destructive ways.

I just want my best friend back.

It was stupid to come here. I should have known she would do something like this to me. And I can’t even be mad at her, because she knows that he meant a lot to me. I just, this is too much. I didn’t realize he was like this. I thought that he was finally happy. He deserves to be happy. And I'm not happy watching him like this.

So I have to go.