Broken

Chapter Two

I'm disgusting. I'm worthless. I'm ugly. I'm fat. I'm a disappointment. I'm a disgrace. No one loves me and no one ever will. I'm gay. And I hate myself everyday for it

How long have i been laying here. Minutes? Hours? Why do i even bother caring. Maybe I'm finally dead. There you go Dan, you got your wish. Your finally rid from this hell that is your life. My eyes open, I'm still laying on the cold, tiles of the boys bathroom floor. My body aches. My head is pounding. I start getting up anyway, pain shooting through my entire body. "Agh!" I gasp at the sudden pain. Finally, I make my way to a full stand, trying to move my arms and legs gently. Nothing broken. Like it matters. I give up. I cant take it anymore. I..I just cant.

I make my way out of the bathroom door, my body on fire. I can feel the dried blood on my skin, I try wiping it off not wanting anyone to be concerned as to why there's blood on my body. Why would they even care. No one does care Dan. Stop pretending like they do. I keep walking out of the school. I know. My chest feels heavy as I walk. The cold bitter air nipping at my toes and fingers. I make my way to the busy town, trying to keep my head down. My emotions are all over the place. Anger. Sadness. Disgust. Everything melding together into one big pain in my chest. I look up finally to see it. The bridge. I slowly make my way to it, getting stares on the way. My heart is beating at a mile a minute.

This is what I deserve,my hands touch the concrete...I am worthless, my hands grip onto the bars of the guard...no one cares that I exist, I put one of my feet up... and no one will care if I'm gone, And the other foot. There is no hope left. I am broken, and can't be fixed. Now I am finally fr-

"Erm, excuse me?" a soft voice behind me calls: I slowly turn around, being greeted by the same blue eyed boy I met earlier at school. Phil. My lips tremble,my body is still in pain and yet...all i feel is numbness. "y-yeah?" i barely croak out. Phil shivers and reaches his hand out to me. "Erm..hi its Phil...we met at school" he giggles "i saw you and you looked cold so i was wondering if you wanted to go grab something to eat or something?" he asks politely, his voice like silk. A chill runs down my spine. I turn and look back at the bridge, "uh...sorry but um, I don't have any money" I say trying to sound as calm as possible even though I was literally just about to jump off a bridge. He smiles sweetly, damn that smile. "Its alright my treat" he exclaims giggling. I'm lost for words. Why would you want to buy me anything I'm not worth your time. "I don't know.." i gasp as he suddenly takes my hand, "oh come on! We can get to know each other, and maybe I'll finally get to know your name" he chuckles, gleaming at me. I give a small laugh, I never laugh...whats happening to me. "Well okay, if you insist...but I promise I'll pay you back! And its Dan by the way...Dan Howell" I answer him, looking up into his bright blue orbs. "Oh dont worry about it Dan! Like I said, my treat" he cheers, his smile making me lost for words.

He pulls me a bit, and We begin to walk. His hand no longer holds mine and I have the sudden urge to grab it again. Snow crunches under our feet, leaving a trail of footprints. They seem to disappear behind us, as the snow falls gently to the ground. After around 15 minutes of walking and comfortable silence, we make it to this small café. It's brightly lit up, it's light blue and purple sign reads 'Bake My Day!' . That is sickly cute. Phil laughs "what a cute name!" He smiles. I nod my head in agreement, not wanting to seem rude. "Well, come on!" He grabs my hand again. "Let's go in, I'm freezing my butt off out here!" He adds and my heart flutters. "Yeah, me too" I claim. We quickly enter the small building, sighing at the sudden warmth.

Phil lets go of my hand and walks over to a table. He carefully pulls out one of the chairs, "Your seat my prince" he says. His choice of words making me melt with awe. It doesn't mean anything Dan, stop thinking he cares. He pities you. I walk over to the seat, thanking him as I sit. The floor creeks under his feet. The smell of sugar and cinnamon pours in, and I start to feel nauseous. Phil picks up a menu and licks his lips. "So, what will you be having Dan? You can pick anything you want" his eyes flicker over me. I look up and shake my head. "Really Phil, I'm okay. I had a big lunch" I lied. I never eat. I don't want to eat. I won't eat. I'm already disgustingly fat. Besides...even if I do eat something it just comes back up. Nothing stays down. "Oh, okay,"Phil answers cheery "how about a drink then?" He smiles. My hands are shaking with nerves. My words stumble "j-just a water thank you" he giggles and nods his head. "Excuse me, miss?"

A young blonde woman turns her head to Phil, smiles, and walks over. She is holding a notepad and pen. She has fair skin, slight blushed cheeks, and dashing green eyes. "Yes, what can I get for you fine gentleman?" She asks cheerily. Her smile bright. Phil smiles back, looking up at her with his big blue orbs. "Well," he reads the name tag pinned to her chest, "Stacy, I'll be having a coffee and a slice of cinnamon cake, and my friend here will just be having a water," ...friend? The woman scribbles everything down in her note pad then looks back up, "will that be everything for today?" Phil looks at me, and I nod my head in assurance. "Yes,thank you" Phil answers, lifting the menus up to her. She gladly takes them, walking away still smiling.

Phil turns and looks back to me, "so Dan, tell me about yourself?" He asks, his voice so smooth. My fingers fiddle together and I find myself not knowing what to say. I finally look up, "W-What would you like to know?" I ask. Phil laughs and puts his elbows on the small table, resting his face in his hand. "Anything really, your interests, hobbies, your dreams, goals" he answers. I'm not worth your time...why do you even care. I'm worthless. I think to myself. "Um...well, I love music" I answer, really Dan? Seriously? Everyone loves music why didn't you just say 'oh I breath air and I'm living right now even though I wish I was dea-
"I love music too! Who do you listen to?" Phil asks, his eyes even brighter than before. My words stumble "oh um, I love muse, My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, Pani-" Phil gasps suddenly interrupting my words. "OH MY GLOB ARE YOU SERIOUS?! I LOVE ALL OF THOSE, ESPECIALLY MUSE!" The raven haired boy booms out. I'm lost for words. God damnit why is he so perfect. We talked for a few more minutes about how good muse was until our order had arrived. "One coffee and cake for you," she says as she sets down Phil's cake and coffee. She then looks at me and smirks, "and one water for the quiet one" I give a small shy smile, "thank you.." I manage to croak out, Becky keeps smiling and just walks away. "Yes, thank you!" Phil says smiling her way. Phil continues with the conversation, the both of us continue to talk about crash bandicoot and other games that we like. Suddenly Phil's face is slightly sad, he's looking into his coffee and biting his lip.

"Um Dan?" He looks up at me, a glint of distress in his eyes. I turn my head slightly, "what is it, Phil?" i ask, he hesitates but continues. "What were you doing on the bridge...before I got to you?" my body tenses up, and i shake my head. "N-nothing Phil, I was just looking at the beautiful view" I answer, giving him a weak, fake smile. He shakes his head, "thats not it Dan, you may not know this but i am a bit of a detective," he laughs "and i can tell that your lying" Phil picks up the small tea spoon on the table and stirs his coffee. The sound of metal against a China mug making me feel sick.  "I...I," my lip is trembling. "I need to go to the toilet, excuse me" i quickly stand up, clenching my stomach.

Oh God. I speed walk to the washroom, getting a few weird glances as i do. I fling open the door and lock myself in the closest stall. My eyes are watering, lip trembling, and mouth watering. My mouth suddenly fills with saliva and the next thing i know, I'm vomiting. Sweat trickles down my face and neck. The vomit burning my throat, only consisting of stomach acid.

I spit for the last time and wipe my mouth with the thin toilet paper next to me. I slowly make my way out of the stall. Placing my hands on the porcelain sink in front of me. I glance at my face and body in the mirror. Fat. Useless. Ugly. I sigh, turning on the tap then swishing the cold water around my mouth. I spit the water out, finally exiting the washroom.

Phil smiles at me as i reach the small table. "Hey are you alright?" he asks as i sit in the chair across him. "Yeah, im okay" I give him a small smile of reassurance. He slowly nods. "Alright, if your sure," Phil says.

He then stands from his seat, "hey, do you... Maybe," he looks down, avoiding my eyes. "W-want to come to my place?" Phil asks. What do I say? Why would he even want to spend more time with me? I stand up, the chair under me screeching as i do. "Okay, sure" i choke out.

Phil pulls out his wallet, placing the money on the table. He turns to the lady behind the counter, "thanks again!" he cheers, turning back to me and reaching for my hand.
"Shall we head out then?" he asks, taking my hand.
"We shall"

A/N:
O-O erm hai. Sorry I've been so absent. I'm very very lazy. And I may not be the best at writing, and keeping up to date with this, but i am very good at being lazy and procrastinating. I apologize once again. Sys phriends. <3