Broken

Chapter Three

I'm disgusting. I'm worthless. I'm ugly. I'm fat. I'm a disappointment. I'm a disgrace. No one loves me and no one ever will. I'm gay. And I hate myself everyday for it.

Phil pulls out his wallet, placing the money on the table. He turns to the lady behind the counter, "thanks again!" he cheers, turning back to me and reaching for my hand.
"Shall we head out then?" he asks, taking my hand.
"We shall"

We make our way out of the small building. The bitter air hitting us in the face. My whole body shivers. Phil seems to notice this, his hand pulls away from mine and is instead placed around my back. He pulls me closer as he tries to rub my arm a bit. "That better?" he asks. I give a small smile, and whisper, "yes, thank you". He smiles back, intertwining his free hand in mine, "No problem, Dan".

Snow crunches under our feet as we walk. My toes and fingers are numb, but my cheeks feel hot from phils friendly gesture. Do you actually think he likes you? Hah! Yeah right your a disgus-
"Hey Dan? Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?" phil asks quietly, looking down at his feet. His ears and cheeks turn red. Huh? I swallow the lump in my throat and cough a bit, "n-no, I-I'm ugly. so, i can understand why no on-" he looks at me with surprise "what are you talking about?! You are probably the most beautiful person ive ever seen in my life!" he exclaims throwing his hands in the air. "Actually nope, take that back, you definitely are the most beautiful person ive ever seen!" Hes a liar Dan "Phil, stop" i say quietly. Hes going to break your heart . phil grabs my hand again. "Dan, do you know how wonderful you are?" he breathes in deeply, "your personality is so lovely as well, and i dont know why you dont see-" i push him off me.

"STOP," i yell, my hands pulling a my hair and covering my eyes. "I dont want any of your fucking pity," i say quieter. My eyes are brimming with tears. "I am just worthless fag who deserves every beating and nasty comment i get. Fat. Ugly. Dumbass. Fag. Disgrace. Every. Single. One of them." my heart is pounding out of my chest and my stomach feel sick again. I swallow hard. "Just please phil, get out of here. im not worth your fucking time," tears fall "Im a fucking suicidal mess who cant be helped and doesnt deserve help" i fall to my knees, putting my face in my hands. My legs start getting numb again ad the lay in the snow. Im choking over my own words. "Please phil, I-" I swallow. "You deserve so much better then me" my whole body is shaking again. Either from crying or the cold I dont really know. And honestly i dont care. You should've just jumped off that damned bridge. Everyone would so much happier if you did Dan. someone should just fucking shoot you in-

I gasp as arms are wrapped around my shoulders. Warm breath on my head. A kiss, planted on my forehead. What..what the. I'm being lifted to my feet. The arms around my shoulder move down to my waist. I'm being pulled closer to the warm, gentle body in front of me.

I stand still. Not sure what to do. I continue crying silently. Phil tilts his head upwards. His eyes are also filled with tears.
"Dan, you are worth so much, just listen to me please" his forehead presses against mine
"You are not fucking fat. You are the most beautiful person Ive ever laid eyes on. And i dont say that to everyone. You are so intelligent. You are not a disgrace. You are fucking amazing, and if im the only person that sees that, then the rest of the world is blind" he looks deep into my eyes.
"Please just.." Phil whispers. "Let me help you" tears are streaming down his face.

I cant think straight. My eyes are stinging. My cheeks flushed. Ears are reddening. Hands trembling. Knees wobbling. Chest pounding. Head throbbing. I try to pull myself together. I close my eyes and breath in slowly.
"Okay Phil" i barely whisper. My eyes open, phils eyes are wide and bright. He quickly hugs me tight. "Oh my god, thank you," he draws a sharp breath "thank you so much, Dan" he lets me go and laughs lightly. "I'm going to do whatever i can to help you Dan...I promise" Phil smiles. He reaches his hand up to my face, gently wiping away the tears on my face. "But...why Phil? Why do you even care about me?" i question. He pushes my fringe out from over my eyes, he whispers softly. His gentle voice sends shivers down my neck "because no one, especially no one as cute as you," his fingers move to the side of my face. "Should ever think like that"

Phil's lips are pressed against mine. My eyes widen slightly from the shock. Then being closed almost immediately. I feel my heart flutter and my stomach gets a flippy-flop feeling. My arms wrap around Phil's neck as i sigh in pleasure. His lips are soft and taste sweet.
Phil pulls away and i open my eyes. I giggle slightly. He gives a small laugh and whispers, "so, my place?"

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The walk to Phil's was short and quiet. His hand was intertwined with mine as we looked around at all the buildings and shops. My whole body was still kind of fuzzy about everything that had just happened. And my mind kept going to dark places. My lips and hands start trembling again. Still believe his lies Dan? You really are pathetic. Phil squeezed my hand gently causing me to look up. He scratched the back of his head.

"Um, were here" he declared, a smile growing on his lips. Crossing my arms for warmth, I glance at the small brick house in front of me. A smile dances on my lips and i look up at Phil.
"What a cute house" i remarked. He laughs "thank you. my parents arn't home at the moment and my brother is most likely at his girlfriend's, so we have the house to our selves" Phil states, winking at me. Damn, that was hot. I roll my eyes. "Can we go inside please, im freezing" i ask through chattering teeth. "Of course" he replies taking my hand again and pulling me to the front door. He unlocks the door as quick as possible, and brings me inside.

A wave of warmth over comes me. I look around, we're in a short skinny hallway, photographs of phil and his family hung up across the pale blue walls. Phil and i take off our shoes. I glance up at phil who looks...nervous? I give a reassuring smile, "you house is lovely" i acknowledged. "Its not much, but it's a home" he replies taking his galaxy jacket off. Home? I dont have one of those..just a house that smells of pot, where i get beaten. I take my coat off aswell. You dont deserve a home Dan, you disgrace. An arm drapes around my shoulder. Phil gives me a worried smile. "You okay?" he asks gently..i mustve been staring or shaking or something. "Yeah, j-just fine" i answer. He nods slowly, moving his arm down to take my hand again. "Want to go to my room?" phil asks. I nod lightly.

Phil's home really is lovely. Beautiful paintings are strung up over the walls, small knik knaks on shelves and such, and a small house plant in every room. Sprouting colours of purple, yellow, pink, and green. "Your mum must love plants" i remarked as i lightly touched one of the puple orchids in a corner. Phil laughs and replies contently "yeah, her and i love to garden, every summer we buy flowers and plant them in the front yard," i smile "that sounds nice" i say pulling away from the flower and looking into phils deep blue eyes. "Yeah, you should do it with us this summer," he exclaims "we'd love for you to join us!" phil giggles and i laugh lightly "maybe i will," i murmured. Phils arms wrap around my wait, but i pull away teasingly. Walking away to the stairs swaying my hips slightly. Phil wolf whistles, as i turn around. I giggle slightly, then walk back to him wrapping my arms around his neck.

I lean in to him until his forehead is pressed against mine and our noses are brushing against eachother. Phil moves his lips closer to mine, but i pull away giggling and running up the stairs. Phil sighs in distress, "oh you're gonna get it now" phil laughs running behind me. I barely make it up the stairs when he tackles me, pinning my arms down.

He moves his face down to mine, hot breath against my neck macking me shiver. His lips make their way to my mine. His soft, sweet, gentil lips. I part my lips slightly allowing more access, phil explores my mouth. My hands find their way to his hair as i pull slightly. He gently pulls away and kisses my chin, moving down my jawline to my neck. Planting sweet pepper kisses. I sigh in pleasure. He moves down to my clavicle, planting more. His hands play with the hem of my shirt and he looks at me with questionable eyes. I quickly nod, not even thinking. He pulls away and lifts ny shirt over my head. Phils eyes scan over my body with wide eyes. His finger traces over a few of the scars along my sides, some older but most from not so long ago.
"Oh, dan..."

A/N
Hai again, sorry about the sparratic updates. Ill try to post more frequently but you know me :P k bai frens