The House Husband .

Tonsil Tennis

Chapter 2 

Oh where do I start ?????  

Following on from where I left off - oh yes OK , here goes .

Well that's just great I said to myself ,

"HAPPY NEW YEAR" .

I thought about going over to the tonsil tennis players , That being the now EX - girlfriend of mine and starting a punch up with that guy but then ,

What would be the point !!.

I didn't want to start the year with a black eye or even start eating through a straw in hospital , because he was ONE BIG BIG BUGGER .

He had muscles that had there own muscles , if you know what I mean .  

You know the type -- pumping iron 7 days of the week and can't put his arms flat to his sides never mind looking so funny when they walk , because there thighs are so big .  

I used to go to a free weights gym with these sort of guys a few years back , that was B-C ( before child ) .  

I used to try hard but would never or could never be able to go to there size - not that I really wanted too.  

I was not built in that way and there's no way I was going to take the dodgy tablets i knew they took .  

No way I was gona let my trouser snake become a little shrivelled up worm and my plums become peanuts .  

I had a sort of a -- shall we say , A four and a half pack - which was not bad ( please believe me , please do ) .  

Me being me I used to take the piss out of them all the time as they used to rib me about my body .  

I would hold up my little finger and wiggle it as an indication of there willy size and show them that at least I could put my arms by my side .

God I could run fast in those day , I had to . It was my life I was running for .

They all knew it was just fun, good fun . A couple of these guys worked on the doors of a couple of pubs in town . So I was able to get into them straight away and not wait in line up outside ( very handy in the winter months and impressing a girl . As they say - Its not what you know , its who you know ) .

I'm getting side tracked again . Sooooo there was tonsil tennis playing EX girlfriend and the hulk attacking each others face and I thought great --Happy New Year .

I Turned heel and went on search for my mate . All of a sudden Woooh , I'm pulled onto the dance floor by two Very nice ladies , thought to myself there twins ( ohh my mind was having rude thoughts - TWINS mmmm .

WHAT ??? -- I told you , I'm a bloke . We think like that .

It turned out they weren't twins but sisters. Wife of the future shouted "Happy New Year" at me and proceeded to give me a big big snog.

( This means a very serious kiss , in case you've never heard of the term ).

Mmmm could she snog -- VERY VERY Well .  

Hellooooo there baby I thought . So after a while on the dance floor , we moved things up stairs .

Oh for goodness sake , will you PLEASE get your minds out of the gutter -- PLEASE  . Where still at the club remember !! .

We find a place to sit and start on our own game of tonsil tennis , six sets a piece and all is equal later , she tells me that she had been watching me all the night and wanted me - Badly .  

Well who was I to tell her she needed her eyes checked , see I told you all I was not that bad looking .  

"OK beautiful " I said . "Tell me that without your beer goggles on as I gotta see you again and take you out ".  

The night was at an end and I told her to "Give me a ring soon " as i wrote down my phone number for her . If she wanted to have another match of tonsil tennis . ( I was sick of getting wrong numbers off girls after a night out so thought I would let the woman do the chasing for a change .

Hey !! . I'm a modern man - sexual equality and all that . U women wanted it so I'm playing u at your own game to see how u like it and if u Dont - TOUGH Dont ring ) , and with that I left for home .

Well , what do you think about that ???????

Tell me pleeeeaaaasssssseeeeeee xx