Love Yourself

~•Siete•~

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Dearly Beloved

My last application of mascara was being applied when the doorbell rang. "Oh god no. Not yet, wait" I said out loud. I hurried while mom called my name. Replying "I'm coming", in a risky manner, I hurried downstairs after debating on whether or not I should bring my phone. I decided not to. I walked downstairs to see him. Flawless. Gorgeous. He made my heart skip a beat. Literally.

I smiled slightly and he returned the gesture while saying "Hi Rose". I tried to answer I honestly did. It was just incredibly hard to get my tongue to untwist and say a single word. "Ready?" He asked

"Yes", I answered nervously.

He led me outside. He opened the car door for me. He did that for me! He is a gentlemen, something I can't say about someone else. It was the best thing.

During the car ride he asked me about myself, "what's your favorite color Rose?"

"White". I felt so stupid I should've said something like pink. The way most girls say. But it slipped out before I could think. He didn't speak for a few seconds.

He then made a gesture that made it seem like he was curious,

"that, I did not expect. But I see why."

He wasn't being serious or so I thought. "Oh really what do you see?" I asked sarcastically.

"It's a pure color. It's almost surreal. Well it depends on what kind of white though. Like if it's bright white, it's completely spotless, you can't see anything it almost blinding.

It's pretty though because there is no damage to it. It's pure. However if it is an off white it's not as luminous, it's more dull. Then there's the ugly white. The dirty one with spots all over or maybe coffee spills and other damage. Maybe it was a pure white cloth that someone used as a rag for cleaning and it turned dirty. See it's nice isn't it?" i stared in amazement because the one caught off guard was me.

"Yeah but what about the dirty white". I wasn't using sarcasm anymore because he had just said the wrong words.

"What about it?" he asked.

"Okay let's take your example, let's suppose I'm the white cloth that was used to clean, what does that make me?" Soon enough curiosity took over.

"An even brighter white cloth duh!" But i knew he said that only because he knew I figured it out.

My expression was of confusion. "What you just said it's all dirty and spotty?"

"But that was a cloth. Not you. Why would you ever compare yourself to a cloth. Like, I mean yes you are very luminous but that doesn't mean you're a splotchy and dirty rag." He seemed to mean it, but I wasn't sure.

"How do you know?" I dared to ask.

"Because someone like you could never be a cloth used for cleaning"' He reciprocated. 

"You'd be surprised..." I said dragging the thought.

"Enlighten me then," He said, and so I tried.

"I wasn't a cloth I was more like a rag." I tried to laugh, but tears filled my eyes.

"You mean about Ed?" I couldn't respond, even if i had tried. I didn't say anything. An awkward silence filled the atmosphere. Neither of us spoke. Not a single word. Suddenly, at an intersection he turned left, and parked his pickup.

He unbuckled his seatbelt and looked over to me, "let me tell you a story Rose. About a year ago, I lost one of the most precious people I've had in my entire life. Her name was Ezra. She was the sweetest thing in the world, she loved flowers and she loved spring. She enjoyed the wind hitting her face and she enjoyed feeling free. She loved writing, she expressed herself through her writing. Listen, I was blind for almost three years but that doesn't matter right now. I thought life was over when I lost my sight, but I then took my normal life and I became a tutor. Well more like I became Ezra's tutor. She hated being alive, you know why?" I nodded no intrigued, and he continued, "because she had just lost what she called love. She had just lost her love. His name was Max. They got in a car crash and he died while saving her and she came out blind. She nearly gave up but I entered her life and taught her to read and write above her condition. Then slowly I began to fall in love with her. I felt in total love Rose. So much I would have given up my life for hers. I couldn't though, and it was heartbreaking for me. She was diagnosed with leukemia. With cancer. Do you know how fucking destroyed I was? It was so surreal. I couldn't believe it. By she did, it was harder for me and her family to cope with that damn disease than it was for her!" My heart was crushing at how sincerely he was speaking, so I moved towards him putting my hand on his shoulder trying to comfort her. "One day she had a terrible headache, she passed out. In the middle of a conversation she went unconscious and just dropped to the ground. I caught her. I picked her up and I brought her to the hospital as fast as I could. At the hospital she was there for sometime until I walked in. She woke up while I was still sleeping holding her hand and she called out my name 'Matt?' that was all she said. I looked up and she was able to see me. She had her sight back for a few hours before her lips began turning white and chapped. Her eyes were tired and all she wanted to do was write in her journal. That's where my idea of writing about Ed came from. She was helped by it. She wrote me a note. Each of her family members got one. While nearly dying she wrote Rose. Even while she was sick she was still beautiful. I had to cope with not having her. Knowing I would never see her again, killed me." I could see his eyes tearing and his voice was cracking. Being tough was not as easy as it seemed all of a sudden. "She died that day, saying she had loved life. In that note she thanked me for giving a meaning to her life. And before that someone else died because of me. And you're telling me Edward is going to stop you from living? From being happy? From making your life, complete? I refuse to let you do that! I completely refuse! You are not a dirty rag, you are a person. A perfect person with the kindest soul I have seen in years and if I'm not being too forward I fucking like you. I like you so damn much! But you don't see that, you're too caught up lingering on Edward's memory that you're too afraid to see me. He hurt you so much that you're scared of love. Are you simply going to give up like-'

I interrupted him. With a kiss.

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