Dinah

Chapter 10

The following morning as I gathered my supplies for grinding grain, I located a small, flat-edged stone used in tanning. Making sure the tool was sharp, I hid it in my girdle. Then I went about my tasks as usual.

During the midday rest, I slipped away to the shade of the pool. After looking around to see if I was alone, I stood close to the edge to view my reflection in the still water. Passing my hand over my flat stomach, I assured myself that my secret was safe. Then I knelt to look at my face. Viewing my haggard countenance, I recognized that the battle within had taken its toll. I appeared much older than my years.

Sitting down and placing my feet into the cool water, I loosened my girdle and removed the cutting instrument I had hidden there. I turned it over several times while I considered the consequences of my proposed action. Mama and Papa would be saddened; perhaps Simeon would feel guilt. For everyone else my passing would be only a momentary nuisance. Stiffening my resolve, I slowly slid my thumb over the edge of the blade to determine its sharpness. Reassured by the sting of the small cut, I lay my left arm in my lap. Gripping the tool firmly, I positioned it above my exposed wrist. As I brought the stone down in a slicing motion, I was startled to hear feet pounding across the sand.

A voice called, "No, Dinah, wait!" A small hand snatched away the instrument as I gazed at the line of blood forming on my wrist. Dazed I stared into the face of Sheerah as she stood in the water before me. Tearing a strip of cloth from her headpiece, she dampened it and tied it tightly around the cut. Taking my hand, she said, "Come. I will take you to your Mother." Weakened, my resolve gone, I complied.

When we reached the tent, Sheerah led me inside without pausing to request permission to enter. As we crossed the sitting room, she called, "Leah, mother of Dinah, I am bringing your daughter in to you"

Mama had risen quickly at Sheerah's call. Taking in my bedraggled appearance, she had me lie on her mat. Smoothing back my tangled hair and laying my bandaged arm across my stomach, she bid me rest. Then taking Sheerah a few feet to the side, she asked what had happened.

"I followed her to the pool," Sheerah confessed. "She tried to befriend me when I was in need following the slaughter. I was rude to her, but her words stuck with me. I watched her grieve as the days passed realizing that she did not even have the comfort of public mourning, or sympathetic friends with which to share her memories. I wanted to talk with her; let her know that I returned her concern for me. Today when I saw her head for the pool, I followed planning to talk with her. As I watched from the trees, I saw her take this from her girdle. When I realized her intent was to cut her wrist, I ran from the trees calling her name. I bandaged her wound and brought her directly to you." Finished, she handed Mama the tanning tool.

Thanking her for her concern and promising to reward her diligence, Mama made as though to dismiss her, but Sheerah said, "Please, I don't mean to be presumptuous. Dinah evidently is in great distress and could use a companion. With your responsibilities, you do not have time to shadow her. Perhaps I could be her maid. I have a younger sister for whom I am responsible, but she could come with me."

Looking at Sheerah with renewed interest, Mama responded, "I will discuss your suggestion with my husband. Perhaps Dinah could use a maid. What is your name, child?" Repeating Sheerah's unfamiliar name, she said, "I will send a message to you after I have talked with Jacob. Thank you again for returning my daughter to me."

After Sheerah left, Mama knelt by the mat and carefully removed the makeshift bandage. Cleansing the cut and anointing it with oil, she rebandaged it with a clean cloth. Sitting beside me she said, "I so hoped that you would not repeat the mistakes of my life. I never considered you might face problems that made mine look small. Can you forgive me for having failed you?"