Durarara!! Shizaya Fanfiction: All it Takes is an Accident...

~ Chapter Three ~

// WARNING!! This chapter will contain mention of suicide/tragic backstory. You have been warned. //

Izaya's POV

I woke up and lazily stared at my ceiling for a good fifteen minutes, remembering yesterday's events. Shizuo had confessed. To me of all people. In public. And he kissed me. In public...I could feel the heat rushing to my face. 'B-Baka...' I thought. He's not even here and yet just thinking about him is making me blush. I sighed. 'Pathetic...'

Eventually, I got myself up and dressed. As usual, I took longer than I should have in the shower, enjoying the warm water. I thought about how I was going to tease Shizuo today. Just because he was my boyfriend now, doesn't mean I'm not going to tease him--wait, was Shizuo even my boyfriend? He never said he was but...I began feeling self-conscious. I tsked in annoyance. I hated being self-conscious.

As I left my apartment, I shoved my hands in my coat pockets. I wandered around for awhile and ended up running into Shizuo. He saw me and sighed, walking over to me. "Yo, Shizu-cha--" Shizuo caught me off guard as he picked me up and slung me over his shoulder. "Shizu-chan...what exactly are you doing...?" I inquired. He was one of the few people that were able to confuse me. I could never guess what he was thinking.

Shizuo carried me down the street. "I'm taking you back home. We still don't know who attacked you. It isn't safe for you to walk around in the open." My eyes widened before I let out a small laugh. "Hai, hai~ But I can walk on my own." I smiled as the blonde sighed in annoyance and set me down. "Thank yo--" He cut me off by picking me up bridal style this time.

Shizuo flashed me a cocky grin and said, "I apologize princess but that can't be done." I pouted at him in aggravation. "This isn't funny..." The blonde ignored me and carried me back to my apartment. I got my guest and I both something to drink before we went upstairs to my room. After we talked for a little while, I accidentally spilled some of my drink on me. I sighed and realized that I was soaked. "I'm going to go take a shower..."

Shizuo's POV

After Izaya got into the shower, I began to feel boredom invading my mind. I scanned his bookshelf for something to read while I was waiting. Then I noticed a small, leather-bound journal. Curious, I opened it. My eyes widened slightly as I realized this was his diary. The date was around when Izaya would've been in his first year of middle school. As I went to put it back, I noticed a sentence that made my heart drop...

'It's been one week since boyfriend committed suicide...'

My eyes widened and I continued reading...

'I knew he was depressed but even when I asked him what was wrong, he wouldn't speak to me. Why? Why didn't I make him tell me? Now he's gone and I can't help him...'

I stared at the page for a few seconds. Then I flipped to a few weeks later...

'I'm so lonely. I feel hollow inside. Yet I have no right to feel this way. It's my fault he's dead. It's all my fault...'

All at once I understood. He didn't hurt people on purpose. He just wanted to push them away. No--he NEEDED to push them away. Then I remembered something that Shinra had told me about Izaya...

'He may seem cold-blooded, but he is more human, and his heart more brittle than anybody else, so much so that if you filled it with human love or betrayal, it would break easily, which is why, I think, he chose from the start to avoid it all, to love humanity, you understand? Not to accept, not to face it, to avoid it.'

I closed the book and put it back. I sighed in thought, taking everything in. Now that I know, what should I do?