Back to the Trees

Chapter 8 - Deathbed Secrets

"Daddy! Daddy I want a story, please."  I clutched my favourite book to my chest. I was almost eight years old but I still loved being read to. It gave me a sense being a child, it made me feel loved.

"I'm busy Lily, be a big girl and read it yourself, I know you can." He waved me away and my heart feel into my boots. Something was missing but I couldn't quite work out what.

"Please. Just one story." He looked away from his computer and smiled.

"Just one."  He tapped his knee and lifted me up to sit on his lap. "Where the wild things are. The night max wore his wolf suit and made mischief of one kind," he turned the page, "and another," another page, "his mother called him 'WILD THING!' and max said 'ILL EAT YOU UP!' so he was sent to bed without eating anything." He continued to read my favourite story and I fell asleep in his arms.

I woke up and reached out for Lee. He wasn't there. I swung my legs off the edge of the bed, wrapped the thick fleece blanket from the floor around my naked body, threw my face into the pillow and cried. How had I not seen this coming? How had I let myself believe things could ever go back to they way they had been before?

I very suddenly sat up and screamed out as a pain shot through my chest. It felt as though my heart had been pulled from my rib age, breaking every rib in the process. So this is what true heartbreak felt like. It was crushing and painful. I thought I'd been heartbroken when I found out that Kieran had cheated on me with my own best friend, but this, this was so much worse. I screamed out again, involuntarily. Tears streamed down my face in turrets. The involuntary screams continued, even when Mitchell race to my side and held me as right as he could, even when, my mother came in and left me weep into her shoulder. I could not stop the pain, just as I could not stop the screaming. Every nerve ending burned, every muscle ripped, every bone shattered. Without him, I was nothing.

And to make matters worse I finally realised what had been missing the last time my dad had ever read to me; his wedding ring.

With each burst of pain I felt violently sick. My entire world was crumbling. The true length of my father's infidelity, waking up to find I've been abandoned by Lee all over again, and having to watch my siblings children grow up knowing I lost my precious little girl. The world had it in for me. This was only the beginning.

After an hourly torturous pain, and unruly screaming, died. My throat felt torn and my lungs felt bruised.

"Mum. Did he ever tell you how long he was unfaithful for?"

"Lily, the girl was barely twenty, they'd only been together eighteen months."  I shook my head.

"Then she wasn't the only one. He hasn't been honest mum. He's been unfaithful for eleven years. I noticed that day he read to me for the last time that he wasn't wearing his wedding ring but I've only just realised." I watched her eyes turn cold.

"I don't want you to mention your father to me ever again. Do you understand?" I shook my head but she stood and left before I could ask her to explain.

I tore myself from Mitchell's grasp,wrapped the blanket tighter round me and headed into the en suite. 

I showered for over an hour. Washing away all my mistakes, washing away all the affection I received from my father as a child.

When I reemerged Mitchell still sat on the edge of the bed, turning his phone over in his hands.

"Get out. Let me wallow in self pity alone."

"He's in hospital. He's dying." I stopped. My back still to my brother, my dry, clean clothes in my hands. "He's ask for us two specifically."

I hesitated outside the hospital doors. I wasn't sure wanted to know the truth. He had ruined our family, torn us apart in a most disgraceful manner. We went on regardless. A nurse lead us directly to his bedside. He looked awful. Then again when hadn't he? He'd drunk himself blind for the last seven months and it showed. He skin was yellow and pasty.

"His liver and his kidneys are failing. He's refusing treatment and doesn't have too long left." The young nurse smiled sadly and left us. Mitchell sat on the bedside and woke him.

"Dad?"

"My boy, where's Lily? I must tell you both something." He strained himself to sit up, coughing and spluttering as he did so. "When you were young, I was seeing a girl by the name of Bethany. We had a son. He'll be twelve soon. He was born with Down's syndrome. You're mother and I have been paying for his care at a hospice." I felt sick all over again. I had another brother and my mother knew all along. Tears welled in my eyes and my heart began to tear. I moved towards the door of his room wanting to get away. A nurse, different to the one who had showed her in came in.

"I'm sorry to disturb you." She smiled. "Mr Franklin. I have news of  Miss Sawyer. She's had a loving baby boy, perhaps one of you children could go and visit mother and baby?" She smiled again and then left.

"Another child?! Weren't we good enough for you?!"

"Lily please. Amber kicked me out when she found out. She said it was wrong. She rang me yesterday to tell me she was in labour and she was sorry. That this was my child too and I had every right to be part of its life. I'm sorry. I have always loved you three but I wanted more of you, your mother didn't."

"So you looked elsewhere! We know!"

"Please princess, bring my son to me before I go." I looked over to Mitchell who look just as stunned as I. He gave a slight nod and I moved towards the door.

There was more sound on the maternity ward.

"Hi, I'm looking for a Miss Amber Sawyer? She's just had my father's son? He wants to see him before he passes." The nurse behind the desk smiled sweetly.

"Ah yes. The doctors told us to expect someone." She asked me to follow her to the nursery. She explained that mummy didn't want to see my father but had given them permission to send baby down with me to see him.

From the second I saw him I knew I couldn't hate this little boy with no name.

"I'll have to escort you but you can carry him if you want." I nodded. He had my dads deep green eyes. "Miss Sawyer would like his father to name him." I nodded again, at a loss for words. S tiny thing in my arms would be one hell of a dashing young man when he grew up.

"You name him princess. I don't have the strength the think."

I thought for a moment. What could I name the boy with that would always have waning to my father and I?

"Max. Like Max from where the wild things are." Dad smiled and held out his arms to hold him.

"Max. I like it. Daddy loves you Max, so very much. And he's sorry he won't be around for you." As the last words left his mouth his machines went wild. His face went white and the beep of the heart rate monitor was a steady beep. Doctors and nurses rushed into the room. One handed the baby to Mitchell, another pick up his records and shook his head at the others. The machines were turned off and the time of his death was recorded. I didn't ink it would hurt as bad as it did, but I was wrong. It killed. The three of us were taken back to maternity and guided to Amber's. We had to tell her he had passed away and give her back her named baby boy. It was the most painful thing I'd ever had to do.

I never thought I'd hurt so much at the loss of a man who could abandon his family while his wife slept and his children watched. Yet I was finding it so hard to cope with the fact I had just watched my father die before my eyes. To make things worse he had left more questions than answers in his absence. Did mum know about Max? What was my other brother's name? Where was his hospice? Did he know about us?

I ran from her bedside to the nearest bathroom, locked myself in and wept. He was gone and never got to tell him how sorry I was for sinking so low in my life, never got to apologise for all the hurtful things I said to him. None of it mattered now, he was gone and he'd never know.