I've waited for so long to leave. I'll miss nothing. At least I think so. I only have a short amount of time left before I can venture freely. I haven't decided where I'll go. California, New York, or maybe Wisconsin. All I know is that I'm leaving.
Far far away.
I'll start again. Go to college. Get a job. Start a family. Raise them perfectly. I've always wanted a boy and girl.
A boy so when they marry our last name will continue, A girl, so I can raise her how I think a girl should be raised.
Is it possible that I don't share any beliefs with my family, other than religion. I mean, they are so different. Everyone. What if I'm not human. I've had that thought.
Not fitting in has gotten to me. Not being like anyone else. It's starting to hurt. Like putting a knife in my aching hear and twisting it delicately. Nobody understands me. When I try to be funny, I'm criticized. When I'm sad, I'm judged. When I'm happy, I'm brought down.
Why can't somebody be there for me?
I read books, and everyone has a best friend, a boyfriend, a perfect fit. All I have is broken pieces of myself. I can't put it together.
It's like when I gather my books together for class, but the pile loses balance and topples over. I want right there, to start screaming, crying. It matches my life. There's my perfect fit right there. A toppled stack of books, old unused toys, just another donation pile. It's all I ever feel.
Maybe something great will happen to me someday. Probably not though.
-fangirl416
