Secrets

twenty one

"Where have you been?!" Harry's voice pounded into my head like a hammer. It hurt to walk. It hurt to move. It hurt to think. It hurt to even say his name.

My brain didn't think of an excuse this time. I had none. What was I supposed to say? Nothing. I was supposed to say nothing.

*flash back*

I lied there, sobbing, bleeding, naked. He smirked in satisfaction and got off of me.

"That'll teach you to listen to me, slut." He slapped me across the face, sending stars into my vision.

I didn't even have the strength to fire back; he had broken me. He was my first. First kiss. First boyfriend. First time.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

"They're going to find out about what you did. I hate you," I choked out, fighting my restraints. He glared at me and grabbed my throat, cutting off my air flow.

"No. No one will find out. You know why?" He smiled sadistically. "Because of word ever gets out of what just happened, I'll make sure no one ever sees Harry again." I was beginning to feel lightheaded, but I still understood his threat.

He knew. He knew I liked Harry. And he hated it. That's why he did this. I brought this upon myself; this was my fault. And if I didn't keep this to myself, Harry would pay for my stupidity.

"No, please— no," I sobbed, clawing at him to let go. He threw me onto the bed and undid the ropes and handcuffs.

"Clean yourself up and get out. Oh, and see you at school, babe," he winked and left me there.

The moment he was gone I broke down again in a rack of sobs.

*end flash back*

"ISABELLA!!" I snapped my head up to look and Harry in the eyes, and his face instantly melted.

I was normally better at hiding my emotions. I would wait until there was no one around before I let them flow. But I couldn't this time. There was just too much.

The tears in my eyes threatened to overflow, and my hair was disheveled and messy. Harry came over and engulfed me in a tight hug. That was the last straw.

He was holding me tight and loving me like a little sister when I had just put his life in danger. If he knew what I had done, he'd never talk to me again. He'd hate me; I hate me. How could I have been so damn reckless?

Zach was just jealous of Harry. I shouldn't have brought up his name, or talked about him. Or slept beside him all those nights. I'm a horrible girlfriend. I'm going to make it up to hi. I'll be better. I'll try harder. Maybe then we can get back to where we used to be.

"Bells?" Harry's voice broke through my thoughts and brought me back to reality. "What's wrong love?" Love. He called me love.

No. Bella stop thinking like that. He calls everyone love. It's a British thing! It means nothing.

Looking back up at Harry, I saw that he was waiting for my reply. Oh shit. What's wrong? Everything.

"I-um, I was missing my mum real bad, so I went on a walk to try and clear my head. But then in the park, I saw all the happy families walking and playing together, and I realized I missed that. I missed that so so much," I rambled on about my mum and Doncaster. Trying to ignore the constant throbbing that reached every part of my body. "I'm so sorry Harry. Please—please don't spank me," I whimpered, starting to cry again.

475. Zach hit me 475 times. But that was probably nothing compared to the pain of having your girlfriend like someone else. I feel terrible. Why am I such a fuck up?!

Harry looked down at me, contemplating my request.

"I'm sorry Bella. I know you miss your mum, but you scared me so much when I found out that you weren't home. I have to." It took everything in me to not collapse right then and there. More spanking?

My bum is probably black and blue right now. If Harry flips up my skirt, I'm dead. Which means that Zach would hurt Harry. And that, under any circumstance, cannot happen. Ever.

"Can I at least change out of my school uniform? It's really itchy," I pleaded, and he softened up.

"Yeah, ok bub. Come back in 5 minutes though." I wanted to hug the living daylights out of him. Harry Styles thank you so much for saving my ass and yours.

I quickly picked up the softest sweatpants I had and went to the bathroom, stripping down.

I gasped at my reflection in the mirror. There were bruises going down to about my mid-thigh, and the middle of my bum was bleeding slightly. Horizontal black and blue stripes painted my butt, and I didn't even want to know what it would feel like when Harry hit me.

Sucking in a breath, I slipped on the sweats as carefully as possible, still hissing at the contact and attempted to tame my hair. I quickly walked out, not wanting to keep him waiting.

He looked up as I came back in and patted his lap. I sighed and made my way over, accepting my fate.

"Wait. One more thing," I said as he positioned me across his lap. "Please don't take my sweats off. I'll take more smacks, just please. Leave them on."

He gave me a weird look, but nodded his head.

"I was gonna give you 20 bare, but I'll give you 30 over the sweats instead." I mentally cheered, but kept with a simple head nod.

When the first smack landed, and had to bite my tongue not to scream. Holy mother of fuck that hurt! 1 down, 29 to go. You got this Bella.

SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK

I was crying already. No surprise there. I tried to keep the sniffling and sobbing to a minimum. As far as Harry knew, I had only gotten a small spanking at school today. Let's keep it that way.

This continued for the next 2 minutes and I mentally coached myself through the horrible fire that had been relit. I was biting my tongue so hard that it bled, but even then I didn't say a word or let go.

When he finally finished, I just lied limp, too tired to move.

Harry picked me up and sat me on his lap so that my bum wasn't touching, but my thighs still were and I winced when I sat down. He looked at me weirdly and stood me up.

"Bella," his voice was low, completely serious. I'd never heard him like this. "Why did you wince? I didn't spank your thighs; at least not your mid thighs." I sucked in a breath. Now what?

"Um— Zach. He erm, felt bad about me having to sit on a sore butt the entire day, so he mainly spanked my thighs rather than my bum," I lied. Harry was unconvinced.

"What about your sweats? Why did you want them up?" Shit. I had no excuse for that. I stayed silent, but that only made him more irritated.

"Isabella. Take off your pants and underwear and turn around." I frantically shook my head. I wanted to scream at him; to tell him the truth. But I couldn't. I wouldn't. So I blurted out the one thing that always made a guy feel uncomfortable.

"I'm on my period!" He made an O with his face, and immediately stopped with the questions. I sighed in relief.

"Well then. Um, right. Lou is checking on Niall at the hospital. They should be clearing him soon. Liam is at the doctors office to get his leg checked out, and he'll be spending the night, so it's just you and me..." he was leaving something out. I could tell.

"Spit it out Styles."

"Can Taylor please come over?" He gave me the puppy dog eyes and stuck out his bottom lip. I giggled. It was hard to say no to that face.

"She's your girlfriend. Don't ask me. But I thought it was for the publicity only?" I asked. He blushed a little. Oh my god. Harry had a crush on her!

"Ooohhhhh, Hazza has a crush!" I teased, making kissy faces at him. I mean yes, I was a bit sad that he liked her. Okay more than just a little, but if he's happy, then I'm happy. And he sure looked happy.

"Oh shut up. Like that hasn't happened to you before. And she'll be here in 10 minutes. So behave!" I rolled my eyes and walked down the stairs. All that crying made me hungry.