Chlea Glades (A Hunger Games Fan fic)

Chapter Twenty-Three

Ten died in the fight for food. Iberis, a girl from district 4, a boy and a girl from district 5, the boy and girl from district 6, a girl from 7, the little girl from 8, a boy from 9, and the last girl from 12. 12 wasn't in the games anymore.

I sat outside, away from Titus. Away from everyone. I still hadn't washed myself after the fighting, and I don't know if I had he heart to do so.

I've killed 11 people, if you count the careers. 11 people died by my hands, and 11 families are mourning because of me. Do they want to see my death, and have it be as bloody and painful as possible? I wouldn't blame them.

I put my head between my knees and allow myself to release one, quiet, heartbreaking sob.

I'm not the same. I've killed, I've seen people die. I have blood on my hands. I don't deserve to win and be happy.

"Chlea?" I hear Titus, near the entrance of the cave. I don't care. I continue crying. I'm going to feel guilty and terrible for the rest of my life, because of the Capital.

My hands shake a little. The capital. They are the real reason those kids are dead, they are the reason I feel this way. They forced me to kill those kids, and they made me into this monster with blood on me.

I hear Titus coming towards me, but I don't lift my head. He should just leave. He'd probably be safer that way. Who knows I won't just go off the deep end and kill him too?

He sits next to me, and surprisingly, pulls me into his side. Instead of being embarrassed and and pulling away, or acting tough, I lay my head on his shoulder and continue crying. Releasing every emotion I've buried inside of me since I got reaped. Every emotion that I've ignored and placed aside to deal with at a later date. Well, that was now.

He rubs small circles onto my shoulder as I begin to calm down, only releasing a small cry every now and then.

"Titus," I say, my voice a little deeper after crying, "I'm so scared."

He doesn't answer at first and just continues staring at the small lake. I close my eyes, knowing that he was thinking of a way to ditch my emotional self. Emotions just bring you down in the games.

"The first time I saw you, it was on the TV while my mentor was making me watch the reapings," he says, and I open my eyes. Where is he going with this?

"You were the last one called, and you looked scared. But I could tell you were trying to keep your emotions in check. Anyone who can do that is strong. I started to worry about you. Maybe you were a threat in the games, but I wasn't going to go out without a fight."

I take my head off his shoulder and face him, my face mirroring my confusion. Before I can ask a question, he continues, "Then it was when we were on the carriages. I couldn't see you as terrifying. I saw you as a pretty girl with a pretty dress on."

I start blushing heavily and look away from him, staring at the lake as he was.

"Then you helped me swim. Then you stopped those spears from hitting me. You, somehow, started to be my friend," his voice caught at the last word, and I looked at him in concern, "My point is, Chlea, that you're still the same girl who helped me back at the training center. Don't forget that."

With that, he gets up and goes back into the cave, leaving me dumbfounded. Am I really that same girl?

I want to help Titus get through this, so much that I don't even think about me getting out of here alive. I killed that Rachel girl to save him. Maybe I am that same girl.

For some reason, I wonder if Katniss Everdeen had these same thoughts. If she worried if she was losing herself, or if she worried this much about Peetas safety. She died for something she believed in, and that was getting them both out alive. She wouldn't kill Peeta to save herself, even though Peeta offered.

I'm not that brave. I can't stand in front of the capital and defy them, not so soon after Katniss. They would probably keep me alive just to torture me.

Theres no way that Titus and I will get out of here. Theres no happy endings in the Hunger Games. Just pain and hurt.

I go to the lake and wash myself off, watching the blood wash off me. Leaving pure skin that is anything but pure. What do my parents think of me?

After, I go back into the cave to see Titus setting up for the night. We both haven't slept in so long, we both seem so exhausted.
I go and get a cracker from our food supply and sit against the cave wall, nibbling on it and watching Titus work. He seems different from the training center. Older, somehow, even though he isn't that much older than me. I wonder if I seem older.

He also carries himself differently, almost more confidently. The unsure from the training center wasn't here, instead he was replaced with the confident boy in front of me.

"Titus?" I say quietly, and he turns around and raises his eyebrow, "Do you feel different?"

He looks away and lays the sleeping bag down on the floor. No need to share body heat today. Its actually a comfortably warm temperature right now.

"I don't know," he admits, coming to sit besides me. I look at him curiously, "I haven't killed anyone in the arena, so I guess there is no reason for me to feel different."

This surprises me. I guess I just assumed everyone in the arena has killed at least one person at this point, "Just because you haven't killed anyone doesn't mean everything else hasn't affected you."

He closes his eyes, and I resist the urge to comfort him. He doesn't have as much on his plate as I do, but I don't want him to have anything on his plate.

"I've seen people die. Hell, I've seen you kill someone," Titus says and I flinch a little bit, thinking of the two boys and Rachel, Iberis. He doesn't notice, and continues, "It changes a person, but not as dramatically as killing someone does."

I also close my eyes, and we sit in silence, lost in our own thoughts. I wonder where his thoughts go.

"Tell me about your family," I say to Titus, and he smiles without opening his eyes.

"It's just me and my sister Aqua. Our parents died when we were younger, a sickness that spread throughout district 10. Aqua has a sweetheart, who I know will take good care of her when I die."

I sit up and face him, face first. Sensing me moving, he opens his eyes and studies me. I'm angry.

"Don't say that," I practically hiss, which surprises him as much as it surprises me, "You aren't dying."

"Chlea--"

"Don't," I snap and stand up, dusting my pants off me, "I'm going to bed."

Hes confused, "Its barely dark."

"Really tired," I grumble and go slip underneath the sleeping bag covers, facing away from him. I hear him sigh, but come and lay next to me.

"We should probably take shifts," Titus says, still sounding confused, "I'll take the first one."

I don't answer, and instead close my eyes, trying to fall asleep. It shouldn't be hard, I'm exhausted.

"Chlea?" He asks softly. Its gonna be hard if he keeps talking, "I'm sorry."

I sigh, "Me too."

And with that, the cave is silent. Me, trying to lull myself to sleep, and Titus thinking about whatever he thinks about.

It didn't take me long to slip into a deep slumber.

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-Brandi

(Unedited)