Going the Distance

chapter 4

I waited on my bed until my foster mother entered. She looked nervous for some reason.

"What happened?" she asked.

"I don't know, hugged?"

"Why?"

"Because, haven't you ever had feelings for someone?" I replied, annoyed.

"Well, yes, of course."

"Then you should understand, besides we were only hugging. "

"Well I never went around hugging my brother, now, did I?"

"He's only a foster brother." I said, irritated.

"Well, I still don't approve of your actions, you will be sent back to the adoption agency first thing tomorrow morning, so you can be placed in a new foster home."

After that she left the room, closing the door behind her. Joey needed me and I needed Jake, how could she do that? Ever since my mom died I hadent ever felt like I had a home, I had started liking this place, with Jake and Joey, I hated myself. I screwed up everything, what an idiot I was! It was only a hug, anyways. Why did it matter to her so much anyways? I didn't have IT, or get naked, it was only a hug. There was no use thinking about it, because I knew no matter what I did I'd still have to leave. Leave the place that had made me feel like a human being again.

I buried my face into my pillow and cried, there was nothing else to do. My clothes were stored in a tote, and ready to go, and I couldn't bear to see Jake or Joey. Maybe I could just end it. After all, what was there to look forward to in my life? My family was dead and I was leaving the closest thing I had to family. I'm sure the pain would be worth it, no more criticism, or adoption agencys. Just what ever comes after. I believed in a heaven, but I also knew suicide was sinful. Maybe God would forgive me since there was nothing left in life for me? I glanced at the clock, 8:30 p.m. I was going to do it.

I grabbed my razor an ripped out one of the blades, then I kneeled on the floor. I took a moment to pray, and ask God to forgive me for the sin I was about to commit. I told him I loved him but there was no meaning to my existence, and that if he would permit me I would be grateful to join him in paradise. I opened my eyes and looked into my mirror, then slowly pulled back both of my sleeves. I raised the blade to my skin and took a deep breath.But before I could make a long stroke, Jake burst in through the door, yet in a quiet manner.

As he looked in my direction, his eyes got big as he took in my tears, rolled up sleeves and blade. He ran over and grabbed the blade away. "What were you thinking, Mary?"

"I don't know, I have nothing to live for."

"I know they are sending you back, but I have a plan."

"What?"

"We are going to run away together, just me and you."

"Where will we go? How will we eat?"

"I have money saved up and we can go into the woods."

"How do we leave?"

"If we exit through my window, they won't notice, we can each bring two pairs of clothes, and put it in a bag, along with some snacks I snuck." Jake looked me in the eyes and asked, "Do you trust me?"

"Yes." I replied.

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At 12:00 we made our escape, it all went surprisingly smoothly, my only regret was having to leave Joey behind.

We snuck into the woods, and walked 15 miles in, then exhausted we laid out on a thin blanket beside each other. He wrapped his arm around me as we gazed up at the stars through the trees, and said, "Mary, if it is the last thing I do, I will find you're parents' killer."

And then I fell asleep, under the stars, next to Jake.