Me

The child

Once upon a time, I was a young girl. Carefree and fearless, reckless and young. I had no worries, no concern for future life. I was happy, I was only me, nobody else, I was full of life. This girl had dreams, plans, and true aspirations. She was truly amazing.

Not all childhoods are good, or healthy. Mine was not, although I learned how to endure. I took the punishments, the hurt, and the torture which I was forced to endure. I witnessed abuse at a young age. I felt loss of people who were once the most important people in my life.

This girl obtained the ability to continue to be happy, live, and to grow. Regardless of the disastrous relationships she witness break. The pain she endured, and ultimately she fought at the age of four to focus on her own happiness as her family and life fell to the ruins around her. The fact that witnessing lives fall to pieces, relationships ruin, and loved ones die before this young innocent girls eyes, she believed.

Belief in a hope for herself to eventually grasp a life that would not show any of the events she dealt with in childhood. The wish for no pain, no abuse to her, no loss of self, this is what kept her going. This child had trust and held onto faith regardless of her hardships.

Growing made this dream difficult. Now it has become unobtainable, because pain is inevitable. There is no way to avoid getting hurt regardless of the way the pain is caused. As you grow, as she grew she began to realize, to lose hope, that's how she let the other take control of her life.

She tried, to fight through all of it. To get back to the innocence she once held. She fought like hell. Something children should not have to do.
All her attempts, as strong as her will was still lead to an abrupt stop. Ultimately a failure that changed her forever. She broke, I broke, because this was when she, became a part of me.