but, im not gay // phan

75

I decided that I needed to talk to Louise. For multiple reasons. 1) I just didn't feel anything with her and 2) I think I'm feeling the click with Phil...

Not that I and Phil have talked but when I see him, the world stops. I miss those beautiful sea eyes, that are just filled with mysterious wonders.

...

But I'm not gay

Or maybe... I am?

To Louise: Hey... We need to talk.

Louise: What's wrong babe?

To Louise: I don't think we should do this over the phone... Meet me at the park near my house at eight.

Louise: Alright...

It was seven fifty right now, and I was five minutes away from the park. I didn't like the feeling of this, but it needs to happen.

I get there and sit on the closest bench. It was eight now, and soon I saw headlights of a car. It was Louise. She Parkes her car and started walking towards me. Her hands in her coat pockets, her shoulders up, trying to not be cold.

"Why couldn't we have gone to your house?" She asked. I just kind of sat there. I didn't say much. She sat next to me and I could feel the tension already. "Okay. What do we need to talk about?" She asked. Is she that fucking clueless?

"Louise. We were great and all, but it's just... not happening anymore. I am starting to feel a little unhappy, and you're wanting to have sexual relations right now and I don't want that honestly... yeah if our relationship was better and we have gone out longer maybe but I'm just not ready."

She stared blankly at the wet concrete, since it did rain before before I headed over here.

"What are you saying...?"

She is that fucking clueless.

"We need to break up."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Louise and I fought for a while, she started saying how I was never there and how I wasn't a good boyfriend and I told her how all she wanted me for was to have a dildo that she wouldn't have to hide.

That went off to a great start now didn't it?

Whatever.

She drove off quickly and I was left alone. I started to miss Phil. A lot. I took my phone out and looked at our old messages. I smiled, but quickly that faded when I knew we didn't really talk amymore. The worst thing about that is, is that I don't even know why. I wanted to talk to him again. I want to laugh with him, to play video games, to make sure he's alright. To comfort him when he's down. To be the shoulder he cries on. To hug him. To be the one to love him.

Wait.

What?

Love him?

Oh my god.

I love Phil.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

When I started to walk home, I was really missing Phil. I took my phone out and sent a message, hoping for a reply.

To Phil: Hey... Phil. Did I do something wrong? If I did I'm sorry... I really miss you right now and I feel like shit. I just... I want to talk again... Please Phil... I know I may sound very desperate right now, but that's because I'm desperate to see you.

I got into my room quietly and went to my dresser. I took pajama bottoms out and a big t-shirt. I changed quickly and checked my phone.

No New Messages

If I have to wait forever, then so be it.

I climbed into bed and started to close my eyes. It was about ten thirty. Pretty early, but I was really tired. I couldn't stop thinking of Phil... And sure enough, I fell into a deep sleep.

***********************

Dan was still asleep when Phil replied to him. At least he replied.

Sent at 11:11
To Dan: Um... Hey Dan... I started to not talk to you anymore because well... it's about you---or us. I don't know. Explaining it over text probably isn't the best thing ever. But, I've felt... different with you. I should stop now. Tomorrow, since it's Sunday, we should go to the park or café to talk about it. You're probably asleep right now, so we can talk about it in the morning. I am just wishing you'll understand and agree with me. But if you don't I get it. But hey, it's 11:11 so I should make that wish. Goodnight Dan, sweet dreams, never let the bed bugs bite ;)