dear namjoon, | namjoon ✔

entry #24.

dear leiane,

jimin gave me your book when he saw it lying around somewhere on the ground. i guessed you dropped it unconciously. it has your name it in so he said to give it to you.

i'm sorry if i accidentally read one of your entry. i didn't know this is your diary. it looks like a normal book so i opened it without thinking. i was so intrigued about the rest of that entry so i read your diary from the start. i'm sorry. i shouldn't have done that.

so you were the one who put a piece of paper in my locker, saying that my ex-girlfriend cheated on me. thanks for telling me though. i know it must have been hard for you to do so but i'm thankful you did, because now I know, there is someone out there who  I can trust fully.

i'm sorry if i denied you from my friends. i don't know why i did that, maybe because of peer pressure.i know it's so stupid but i didn't know what to say. i'm a such a coward.

i'm sorry if i didn't ask you what was wrong when you came to school one time with your eyes fluffy and red. i didn't know that your parents we thinking of divorce. i'm sorry if i wasn't there when you needed a shoulder to cry on.

i'm sorry if i seemed like i didn't want you to be my best friend, because ever since we were little, i told myself that i won't make you my best friend. instead, i told myself that I'm going to make you mine. but with that promise engraved in my heart, i didn't know it will take this long for me to realise that i've been hurting you all this time.

the girl you saw kissing me in my cheeks. she's my cousin from my mother's side. she's been living overseas and she just visited me at school because she's going back home after spending holidays here.

i know it's too late now because tomorrow is our graduation and i'll be moving somewhere far from here, maybe out of the country after graduation. but I want to tell you this.

leiane,

i love you. 

i love you.

i love you.

i've loved you ever since we were a kid.

i've loved you ever since you stood up for me when i was being bullied in grades school.

i have been loving you all this time. it was you who my heart wants but i was too blinded of trying to fit in my friend's relationship status to realised that.

i will let you go this time.

i want you to find yourself first and i will do the same

but

i will wait for the right time and when the two of us meet again, i won't let you go ever again.

from,
namjoon.