dear namjoon, | namjoon ✔

e p i l o g u e

time flew by so fast.

it's been 8 years since I last saw you and that was when we graduated from high school.

it's also been years since you left the country with your family.

how are you, namjoon?

i've never heard any news about you this past years. We've lost contact. We've lost communication.

i graduated from university 2 years ago. I've also got my bachelor's degree. I know that a lot of things changed this past 8 years.

i've matured for the better.
i have moved on from my life.
my parents did got divorced but they are still good with each other. And I'm thankful for that.

but one thing didn't changed for sure.

was my feelings for you.

i guess it's really hard to forget your first love, right?

how about you, namjoon?

how's life?

i wonder what you're up to.
i wonder if you get to follow your dream.
i wonder if you still have feelings for me too?
i wonder if you already forget about me?

i miss you so much, namjoon.

i've waited and waited to hear even a tiny news from you. I even asked your friends but they all gave me the same answers.

"i don't know. i've never talked to him after they left."

i guessed, you moved on from everything. and i can understand that.

"leiane, somebody's looking for you." my friend said.

"who is it?" i question back as I got up from my chair.

"don't know. he just asking if you're here" my friend answered back.

oh, i'm living in an apartment with my friend, near where the hospital that I'm working in.

"oh alright. thanks." i said and hurried towards to open the door.

"hi-" i didn't get to finish what I was going to say.

"hi. long time no see." said the guy in front of me while smiling brightly.

i was shocked.
i was surprised.
i wanted to cry.

the man i've been missing and trying to hear a news about is standing right in front of me.

namjoon is back.

he's back.

i'm staring at him, shocked not realising that i'm already crying.

i'm crying out of happiness.

"h-hi." my voiced cracked.

"hi, namjoon." i greeted him with my voice still cracking, tears flowing and a big smile on my face.

he gave me a warm and loving bright smile and went to give me a hug.

"i missed you, Leiane." he softly whispers in my ear.

i hugged him back.

"i missed you too, namjoon." i said still crying.

he wiped my tears and trying to calm me down.

"shhh. don't cry." he softly patted my head.

his embrace, his warm embrace.

this is what I always wanted.

we stayed in that position for some time, him hugging me and I'm doing the same thing.

until I heard a soft and tiny voice somewhere.

"daddy, where are we?"

that's a little girl's voice.

i let go of the hug first to try and find where the voice came from.

and there i saw a cute little girl tugging namjoon's sleeve.

my heart dropped.

"is she your daughter?" i carefully asked and look at namjoon.

he didn't answer.

"you're married?" i asked again.

he stayed silent for a minute before giving me an answer.

he looked at me directly in the eyes.
"yes. she's my daughter. and no, i'm not married, yet."

i was loss for words. i didn't know what to say.

"i've become a young father." He said, putting an awkward giggle.

"not yet? so you mean to say, you are planning to get married?" i am so confused about what's happening at the moment.

"yes. i'm sorry, leiane. i'm sorry for breaking my promise to you. i'm sorry if kept you waiting." He sadly replied.

i could hear my heart breaking into pieces.

he has a child.

he's getting married.

i stepped back a little and forced a smile.

trying to accept what just happened but

at this moment, i don't to hear any explanation from him. i don't want to hear anything. i know i'm being stupid but i just can't forced myself to hear anything.

"co-congratulations." is all I could say.

"i'm so sorry, leiane."

and that was the last thing i heard from him after they left.

i guess, people really do change, physically or emotionally.

he told me that they are staying in Australia for good and they will never come back here. he told me to forget about him.

how could he?

how could i?

it's so plain stupid and heartless of him to say that to my face

But

i guess, ending up with my first love isn't supposed to happen to me. it's not meant for me.

we're not meant for each other.

all the memories i had with him was all for our friendship.

i guess, we really are just best friends.

and it will stay as 'just best friends'.

no, I should re-phrase that.

'was best friends'

goodbye to all the years i've waited.

goodbye to all my tears that fell for him.
goodbye to all the nights i've wasted trying to contact him.
goodbye to all the days i've missed him.
goodbye to all the feelings i have for him

It's time to let go now, leiane.

it's time to move on.

you sure endured 26 long years of loving him, leiane.

now free yourself.

goodbye to my first love.

goodbye, kim namjoon.

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last chapter. i'm sorry if this isn't not a good ending. I know it's sad cause i'm a sucker for sad endings so.

well, that's all from me and to all the readers that read this not-so-well-written story, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

,

Leiane signing off.
Namjoon signing off.

Author signing off.
xx❤